Well, at least there’s that...

Own it... or don't. I heard a song on the radio today that I hadn't heard before and it started me thinking. I couldn't tell you who sang it or the title, but I remember this line: "This is my day". Who owns your day? I hear all the religious people saying, "God does?" Okay, if he does, what does he want you to do with it? Easy question. The Bible is pretty clear... 'Love God, love others." That's a wrap... Actually I own my day. I can't give something away that I don't own, that would be stealing. Follow me on this rabbit trail if you will. I've spent a great deal of time waiting. Waiting for...the right time, things to get better, me to be stronger, life to get fair...ha! Guess what? Those are all lies. Honestly, and this is not meant to depress you, but sometimes things do not get better, rarely is life fair and sometimes I don't know how to get stronger. Sometimes life sucks big time. I own it. I own the fact th

As you can imagine I have had very little to write about lately. I, like everyone, have a lot on my mind, but nothing noteworthy. I try to keep social distancing from the news . 😱😱 Since I am single I have quite a lot of time on my hands. Thank God I can work from home, but home is like being trapped in "Groundhog Day". I wish I still had the underwear with the days on it so I could keep track. So, I had a thought today....yes, it still happens. What do we do now? There is no absolute answer for that question, just ask anybody. I watched Elevation Church's service last weekend (I think) and it was precious to my soul. The pastor spoke about the "New Normal" and how Israel faced a new normal when they stood between the Red Sea and Pharaoh's Army. They had been slaves for over 400 years! They had no idea what "normal" looked like. People often judge the children of Israel harshly for their doubt, but I get it. I mean, they had not experien

Have you ever had a really nice umbrella, but it had a hole in it? You might not even see the hole, but everytime it rained, you got wet. Is it the umbrella's fault? Nope. Is it your fault? Nope. It's called "wear and tear." I had an umbrella given to me at birth. It was perfectly fine until life started happening to it. The details aren't important. Me saying that it had some holes in it is an understatement. Mine had gashes in it, but I couldn't figure out where the leakage was coming from. People have tried to blame me, my skills as an adult, etc. but I just couldn't buy into that reasoning. I've been going to counseling for over 25 years. I've been taught "coping skills" but they were just bandaids that distracted me from the rain. What I just realized is how the holes in my umbrella affected my family..especially my family. I often thought to myself, "I'm kind and I've done all I could to protect my family.&q

Have you ever heard words: "Jesus is enough" and felt condemned? It's a very religious thing to say to somebody. But if you're like me, you hear, "What's wrong with you?" So, throughout the years I've done a lot of studying about loneliness. Most of us know that loneliness has nothing to do with how many people are in the room with you. Sometimes people are even lonely in the midst of a crowded room of their friends or family. Loneliness is not a disease, but it causes much discomfort. To some people loneliness is like a slow agonizing death. I understand that. Today I want to redefine loneliness and talk a little about how to cope with it. Some people cope with loneliness by jumping into a new relationship, only to find that they are just as lonely as they were before, if not more. I've seen it so many times. I've had single friends who would just die without a husband or wife, but when they got one they were so sad. Their previous

Recently someone very close to me passed away. She was a very kind individual. Her heart was to help anyone who needed it. She was very misunderstood.  She worked hard to allow people into her life.  She was seeking the approval of anyone. She was hoping someone would hear and understand her. People say this all the time, but I state this as a fact. I’m happy for her. She suffered greatly, more than anyone I ever met. Her death was caused by a broken heart, spirit and soul. She stopped believing anyone would ever hear her. I tried to hear her. I tried to support her decisions, but the pain she felt from a lack of love and listening kept her deaf to my desire to help her. I do not mourn her loss. Isn’t that strange. I loved her so much, but she was hurting the kind of hurt that can not be relieved. Pain in your soul is the worst and longest type of death. It takes years and years, disappointment after disappointment and betrayal beyond what an average person can handle. I reme

One of the most damaging thoughts I’ve ever had was supposedly “spiritual “ in nature. “Make sure you’re where you’re supposed to be.”  I bet you’ve heard it too. It sounds spiritual... only one problem. It depends solely on me. There is no supporting evidence  anywhere in scripture to prove that I have anything or much to do with planning my location to meet Gods need. Wow! The truth will set you free. Let’s take some examples. Mary- mother of Jesus. All 12 disciples Every prophet and king in the Bible. What were they all doing when The Messiah and even Jehovah himself came to them? They were all living ... normal, established lives. Don’t get me wrong. The Lord did appear in a dream to MANY people in the Bible. For example He told Joseph “Get out of where you are and go to Egypt.”  Well, ok. Where was Joseph before then? At home being a carpenter. God spoke to men regarding Saul (Paul). He told them where to go and even what to expect. What were they doing before? L

I can sum up 2019 in one sentence. "I don't have to." I"m sure that messes with your mind a bit. Today is New Years Eve and most people are thinking about what they "should" do in 2020 that they did not do in 2019. Instead I want to look back at the year and see what I don't have to do anymore.  I got it in my head that there was a list of things I had to do in order to be successful. I even had a brilliant definition of  the word: Successful. I defined success and achievement as the same thing. So if I "did something" I was successful. I couldn't have been more incorrect. I know a lot of people that accomplish things but are never successful. Achievements: Something I think I have to accomplish. Success: knowing how to live honestly. One thing I took off of my "I have to " list is giving advice.  I share my journey, with full knowledge that I don't have all the answers. I have learned to hear what people really nee

This time of the year comes with a mixed bag of emotions and there is a divide between happiness and solitude. It’s very difficult. People either feel lost, forgotten or rejected or they are euphoric. I was sick Christmas Day. I spent the day in bed. It gave me a chance to think. I missed my family with all my heart and the question “who is there for me” was very distressing. Then I had another thought   This lightened my heart. I can’t control who is “there” for me but I can control who I am “there” for. I started thinking of the people’s lives I have touched. I thought of the difference I’ve made. Nothing major. But there are people on this earth that know I am here for them. I’m a good listener, I offer advice when asked, people leave my presence feeling loved and hopeful. People in my life know that if they need me I’ll do whatever I can to help. If it’s a listening ear or compassion I have that. I may not have money they need or even the advice they seek. But I do have ears th

Hello! This post is not about who is right or who is wrong, Does it really matter at this point? I'm going to give you some examples of things being said and change the subject and  you tell  me if you think it is the appropriate response. My neighbor hasn't mowed his yard this week. I'm going to call the police. I think my neighbor picked a flower out of my yard. I'm going to sue him. I don't want you to be my dry cleaner so I'm going to form a committee to get you removed from my neighborhood. Now, let's get a little more serious. What if I used these words? You are black so I"m going to put you in prison. Would you be outraged at that? I would. Your restaurant serves white people so I'm going to sue you. I believe Global Warming is a problem so I'm going to drive my car to work. I was hired to interpret one language for another, but I don't like the wording so I'm going to tell the people listening what I want them to

I've often wondered..."Is it better to have loved and lost than never to love at all?" I've asked several people who have lost a loved one and now I understand. I found him or he found me, when he was 2 years old. He wandered around my feet scrawny and scared. Suddenly an impulse hit me. "This is my dog." He was with me for ten years... he was precious, he was annoying, he was loving, but no matter what....he was always mine.  After 5 flee baths I took him home. My life had changed and the family I once had was now gone. I loved.... I didn't know if  he was housebroken or what his personality was like... It was so unlike me to just grab him and take him to my heart. I thought to myself, "What if I lose him?" Not like loosing property, but losing his unconditional love. I wondered if I'd grow to regret giving this animal so much of my heart. I wondered, "is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?&