Own it....or don't

Own it... or don't. I heard a song on the radio today that I hadn't heard before and it started me thinking. I couldn't tell you who sang it or the title, but I remember this line: "This is my day".

Who owns your day? I hear all the religious people saying, "God does?" Okay, if he does, what does he want you to do with it? Easy question. The Bible is pretty clear... 'Love God, love others." That's a wrap...

Actually I own my day. I can't give something away that I don't own, that would be stealing. Follow me on this rabbit trail if you will.

I've spent a great deal of time waiting. Waiting for...the right time, things to get better, me to be stronger, life to get fair...ha! Guess what? Those are all lies. Honestly, and this is not meant to depress you, but sometimes things do not get better, rarely is life fair and sometimes I don't know how to get stronger.

Sometimes life sucks big time. I own it. I own the fact that life is sometimes a horrible game we play when we mismanage that life, or others do, this life can be very difficult.

So, here's my point. I'm all grown up now. I like to say that I'm 8, with some random number in front of it.

If you've read any of my blogs you'll  notice that I've been through hell. Let me put it this way, if my life is an example of what hell is really like, PLEASE DON'T GO THERE! Come to Jesus.  If you need more convincing go to my blog "What you talkin' about Willis?"

Something happened this week, no need for details. It's probably happened to you because of  "The Plague" as I like to put it. I have given my attention and my time to things that have really distressed me. I own that time.

I stopped watching the news. I own that time. I stopped watching TV shows that were graphic. I own that time. I stopped listening to people who kept the theory alive that "It will all get better." I own that time.

Will things get better? It depends what you mean by better. If you have Jesus as Lord then when you die and go to Heaven everything will be perfect, but until then...who knows?

I've been guilty of "waiting" for someone or something to make my life matter. I've been waiting for people who would logically love me to put me first. This week I got slapped in the face with the reality that I am not first in anyone's life, but mine.

Don't go getting religious on me again. Religion is so screwed up. It tells you that your life belongs to God and everything will get better and nothing bad will ever happen to you if you follow the rules. LIES.

My life does belong to God, you know why? Because it belongs to me and I have given him authority to invade my space. I've been a Christian for most of my life and I'm just now realizing...He does not want to invade my space. He has not called me to be a sacrifice as most people see it. My purpose on this planet is not to make everybody else's life better. Uh oh!

Look at every man, woman or child in the Bible. Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son because a man needed to be willing to do it so that God could send Jesus. But God never required Abraham to actually kill his son. You know what else? When Isaac got off the alter and Abraham probably had a lot of explaining to do...let's be real...God did not come down from heaven and give Abraham or Isaac detailed instructions of how they were to live. He lead...he leads. If he makes me do anything the Bible is clear that He makes me to "Lie down in green pastures." Maybe Heaven?

My point is really simple. People will disappoint you, they will not choose you, even when they should, life is unfair. What are you going to do about it? I said it in my title " Own it, or don't" I am learning to own my time. I'm taking my time seriously. I'm not talking about being ambitious or having visions of grandeur. I'm talking about taking authority over what I have control over.

I was highly disappointed yesterday. It was unbearable pain. I decided that I had a choice. I could either lay around and grieve (which is sometimes healthy) or I could see the situation for what it was and fill my own heart.

I went on a trail ride. I drove 2 hours away and rode in the rain and I haven't felt this good in a long time. People called me while I was on the ride, I left my phone in the car. This was, my time. There are desires in my heart that I've been "waiting " for someone to help me with. I hate that because I know people can not make my dreams come true, even if they want to. Waiting often results in reduced satisfaction and results.

I made a list and gave it to God. My list...gave to God...important words. I'd been waiting...waiting...waiting and nothing. Only to experience more hurt and devastation. Who do I blame? No one and everyone. I don't blame the people who didn't know, but I do blame the "religious world" that offered me great phrases and did not prepare me for a life worth living.

I forgive them, but I won't listen to them anymore. I find it interesting that the Bible says, "love others as you love yourself", but we don't know how.

Today I loved me. I rode in the rain on a horse named "Max" and I got tired and sore and I laughed and smiled and because of that I will be a better "lover" to others.

In closing... "What have you done for you lately that causes you to love others more?" I do not mean selfish love..."it's all about me." It's a selfless love that admits, I can not love others if I do not know how to love myself. I can not console others if I don't know how to console myself.  It's as simple as that and as complicated as that too.

I guess I've been contemplating this for a long time and if you're still reading this, I must pause and say "Thank you." But I won't apologize for the length or the time it took me to write it. I own it.

Own your life..."do to others what you want done to you and do for you what you would do for others". If you do that, you will love fully and unselfishly because your needs are met by your own hands, blessed by the Father just because he says so.

Last question....If I loved myself and had the capacity to love others would I waste my time causing strife? Would I spend my time destroying other people's property or would I want to understand their pain because I understand and own mine. You choose...