Well, at least there’s that...

Has anyone ever told you that your pain is minimal? Have they compared your pain to someone else? Let me tell you a story and let’s see if you can hear the ridiculousness of those kinds of comments . I’m a cancer survivor. I still have many side effects from having internal heated radiation and almost 30 surgeries in the past 23 years.  I was having issues with scar tissue.  It was blocking my intestines and there was nothing that could be done.  I had a gastroenterologist insist on doing a colonoscopy, even though I told him he couldn’t do it . It was awful.  He drugged me and did it anyway I was violated . When I woke up he told me how bad the scar tissue was.  I started crying.  It’s hard to survive such a huge event only to know there’s more to deal with   This gastroenterologist told me to cheer up . After all, there were children with cancer??? Cancer is horrible! Why would I feel better knowing a child was suffering like I was. Where is the comf...

 I have no idea why I feel so strongly today about disregarding  the ever changing expectations of my world.  Yes, my world.  I’ve spent years trying to give life a “reason” .  The “Whys” are innumerable! The “How’s” are even more daunting. My journey has been inexplicably difficult the past year and more.  I asked myself “How did that happen?” “Why did this happen?” Add one more question to those.. “What?” What do I do, what did I do? So, without reasoning it out,  I came up with an answer that answers none of those questions, but gives me courage to move forward: It just is! Do not misunderstand me.  I am not resigned. I am not giving up. I’m “ unreasonably determined.”  I accept who I am, where I am and am determined to move on to whatever’s next.  I’ve had doubts regarding everything! I do mean everything; Who am I? What am I supposed to be doing? What will go wrong next? Will I ever be healthy? What does a true friend look like? Wha...