Eulogy for a friend

-


Recently someone very close to me passed away. She was a very kind individual. Her heart was to help anyone who needed it. She was very misunderstood.  She worked hard to allow people into her life.  She was seeking the approval of anyone. She was hoping someone would hear and understand her.

People say this all the time, but I state this as a fact. I’m happy for her. She suffered greatly, more than anyone I ever met.

Her death was caused by a broken heart, spirit and soul. She stopped believing anyone would ever hear her. I tried to hear her. I tried to support her decisions, but the pain she felt from a lack of love and listening kept her deaf to my desire to help her.

I do not mourn her loss. Isn’t that strange. I loved her so much, but she was hurting the kind of hurt that can not be relieved. Pain in your soul is the worst and longest type of death. It takes years and years, disappointment after disappointment and betrayal beyond what an average person can handle.

I remember her crying and saying “ why doesn’t anyone know me?” “ Why do they feel free to crush me?” She lived in shock and disbelief every day of her life. She just stopped expecting anything to get better.

She didn’t want a funeral, she didn’t want a body left on this planet to prove she was here. I loved her but it wasn’t enough. The voices of cruel and inhuman people won over my voice. I’m sad. Not because she’s gone but because she had to experience so much sorrow.

She doesn’t need me to mention her name. I just want to say that she loved. I will remember that.

If there is someone in your life who feels that they are not being heard or believe they don’t matter, please speak loudly to them by constantly letting them know you see their value. They don’t have to accomplish great things. I wish she had understood that the world was just a better place because she was in it.

Be free my friend.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I believe I can fly, but I’d rather not

-
Image
  https://youtu.be/_6y5bgrKhLI?si=okhqwhA-CR5EyA80 I love this song.  I believe I can fly, but I’d rather not.  Have you ever dreamt that you were flying? Did you try to fly when you were a child? Did you jump off a roof (I don’t recommend it) to see if you could fly?  Me too! Let me tell you about one of the times and hopefully the last time I flew.  It was a sunny day and all was well. I had a job as a tram driver. I was so excited!  I’m limited to what I can do when it comes to working. This seemed like the perfect job for me. I'd drive a truck pulling a tram in circles.   The venue I was working for had a concert that night. I was thrilled. I’d be doing something I enjoyed.  Plus I’d get to hear the concert. I had already made a couple of friends, so I was feeling really good.  The employee parking lot wasn’t finished yet. The venue was a work in progress. I was asked to take a golf cart down a hill and bring employees up the hill. It sounded like fun.  I was cruising down the
Read more

Anxiety and Seeds

-
Image
Anxiety and seeds ; what does one have to do with the other ? I watched Elevation Church online today. Pastor Furdick talked about seeds and shoes.  Hmmm.  He buried a seed in a pot. When he buried the seed no one gasped , nor did it seem odd. He poured dirt on the seed and again, no one cared. Seeds are supposed to be in dirt. When you’re a seed the dirt is part of the process. Then he took off his white tennis shoes. He started to put them in the same dirt. People yelled, “don’t do it!” Why? Shoes are not made to be inside the dirt.  Shoes are made to walk on the dirt. Seeds are a doing inward work. Shoes are for the outward appearance .  Shoes don’t work without feet.  Seeds don’t work without dirt. Anxiety is often an outward manifestation of an inward experience. Anxiety is something most people bury .  When anxiety builds without purpose  , it produces pain. Elevation talked about what happens when we are under pressure, it hurts.  The dirt puts pressure on the seed. Dirt devalue
Read more

He’s just having a bad day

-
Image
Have you or someone near to you been physically, mentally or emotionally abused? Growing up and marrying an emotional abuser can skew a persons ability to comprehend that they are being abused. While growing up, I had the impression that I was the reason my father failed in ministry. The concept was “if you weren’t born we would have traveled and had a great ministry.” Nobody knows where I got this idea from, but it was firmly planted in my mind.  The abuser changed tactics as I grew older. When he was having a “bad” day, it was my fault. I was literally told “he only acts like that when you’re around.” So, I stayed away from him as much as possible to keep him from blowing up or acting hateful. I assumed that it was my fault. The root of abuse is the need for power.   Abusers , all abusers, are thirsty for power. There are no exceptions.  During my childhood the abuser would be very kind, then funny, then cruel. People didn't or didn't want to see the cruel side. As a child I
Read more