Well, at least there’s that...

 I live at a beautiful Independent Living gated community. I’ve lived here almost two years. I love it! I call it “The Cruise Ship that doesn’t leave the dock.” We have a salt water heated pool, a movie theatre, a billiard room, a craft room, a huge dining room, a work out room, a beautician, a manicurist, trade shows, almost daily activities…. It’s been an amazing experience. I had just turned 59 when I moved in. I came from a 4 bedroom house where I felt isolated . I wasn’t cooking, I was struggling to keep up with the cleaning… I  needed support and a community. These are actual pictures of my apartment. I paid extra to have the accent walls pained “Seaworthy “. I made this my home. I have a two bedroom, one and a half bathroom unit and it’s become “home “ to me.  Making friends anywhere is difficult, especially when you consider the “digital” age of cell phones and Zoom calls. I need people.  My quality of life has greatly improved because I was willing to take this step, be vulner

 I have no idea why I feel so strongly today about disregarding  the ever changing expectations of my world.  Yes, my world.  I’ve spent years trying to give life a “reason” .  The “Whys” are innumerable! The “How’s” are even more daunting. My journey has been inexplicably difficult the past year and more.  I asked myself “How did that happen?” “Why did this happen?” Add one more question to those.. “What?” What do I do, what did I do? So, without reasoning it out,  I came up with an answer that answers none of those questions, but gibbed me courage to move forward: It just is! Do not misunderstand me.  I am not resigned. I am not giving up. I’m “ unreasonably determined.”  I accept who I am, where I am and am determined to move on to whatever’s next.  I’ve had doubts regarding everything! I do mean everything; Who am I? What am I supposed to be doing? What will go wrong next? Will I ever be healthy? What does a true friend look like? What Dr should I trust? Why did that happen to me?

Funny story! Don't you hate it when people announce that there's a funny story coming? Oh well. It's my story. Most of you know that I make custom jewelry and have a website: barjeanajewelry.com.     I sell quite a bit of merchandise in person and I enjoy making personally crafted jewelry. However, I discovered that I have a serious problem. I remember the orders, but sometimes I forget who ordered the product.  A couple of days ago I had to pick up some things at Hobby Lobby and I saw this silver M. An image popped into my head of someone showing me a picture on a phone and asking me if I could make this necklace for their niece. I remembered that much, but I could not remember who ordered it. Okay, I admit that my business skills have been a little lacking lately. I've been dealing with days that I care not to remember (physically) so, often that limits my attention span. Matter of fact, I played the piano for a resident dinner a couple of weeks ago and someone came u

 How did you take something evil and turn it around for your good, or the good of someone else? Isn't that an odd question? I was watching "Elevation" church "live" today and the speaker said something very intriguing: "The devil fights dirty, so should we."  He went on to elaborate: The devil will use every tactic he has against you. He works to discourage you, invalidate you, he uses fear, memories, fatalistic thinking "things were always like this....so things will always be like this." This is so true! What do we do? We play nice! Let me explain. We "pray about it." I am not invalidating prayer, but how are you praying? I suffer from depression, it's a battle. I fight it with all the weapons that I have and that's what I should do. However, which weapons am I not using? Today I decided to pay back evil with good,  The words the devil is constantly throwing at me are meant to disturb and destroy me. The words used against

 Merry Christmas!  This is Daniel, my Super Service Dog! We wish you a Merry Christmas and a whole and healthy new year.  I’ve had some very challenging years in my life, but I don’t think they’ve been as constantly challenging as 2022.  I hope 2023 has a theme of healing, health and prosperity for all of us.  For  all that I’ve been through there’s something bigger weighing on my heart this morning. I thank God for my beloved and kind children and grandchildren.  I’m truly blessed.  Today I grieve for the children that have no foundation and often have no idea what love or life is about.  Will you brainstorm with me?  Will you share this post so that we can find a way together? There are so many children left to raise themselves, they are judged for raising themselves in ways that do not conform to society’s standards.  I’m taking another look at that standard today. Due to living in survival mode these children have learned  to “cope “ with the unthinkable and this has  pushed them f

I sent this picture to my kids with the comment, “Daniel wants to play, but I’m a little hung up,” lol   Courage is not being brave, it is not denying the problem, it’s not seeing the problem as less of a struggle than it is. If courage could be gained doing any of those thugs courage would lack it’s greatest advantage,”faith.”  Have you ever felt like the struggles have been so hard that you start to believe the struggle is the outcome? In other words , struggling just to struggle more.  The problem with the conclusion that the struggle and the reward are the same is becoming battle weary. Suddenly everything is a struggle.  I’ve been there  Over two years ago someone told my mother that they believed wouldn’t be on oxygen for the rest of my life. The struggle to breathe was hard and I had no courage or faith to believe one day I wouldn’t need it anymore.  became  very angry with God. The only thing that’s bad about being angry with God, is not admitting it to him. He already knows. 

 This is Daniel, my service dog. Is it normal for a dog that’s two years old to wear a t-shirt and shoes? This may be hard to hear, but it’s part of a story that needs to be told. I pray that it helps you learn to protect yourself and your children.  Pedophiles and abusers have one thing in common; they choose their victims carefully. Once they have gained trust and access to their victim they can actually “abuse “ them in the middle of a crowd and no one notices. These people are trained to tell you “ he/she” is just trying to show you they love you , or “ pray for them” or, “ that’s just the way they are “.  Meanwhile the victim stands frozen in place confused and full of shame because the predator says things like “ how could you think that of me?  I’m your (father, brother, uncle, family friend.,.) and you know that I love you.” The biggest weapons they have are secrecy, shame, and keeping their victim off balance by accusing them of being irrational .They victimize in public, in p

 Call to action!  The scripture says that we should be :Wise as a serpent (that sees everything on its belly. ) It sees the dirt, the earth, the obvious. And tells us to be as Harmless (wrong word) as a dove! Doves master what the serpent sees! We’re doing this wrong! Reptiles live a lot longer than birds. Eagles rise! Snakes have had centuries to shed skin and become something else. If we (Eagles) crawl the ground with them, they will always win.  Here’s my call to action. Eagles rise! The view is delusional from the serpents angle. They see everything in front of them. They manipulate their environment from the filth of their own creation.  We’re doing this from the wrong angle. One snake yells to the other “snake “ then laughs .  They laugh because it’s obvious to them .  The Eagles are screaming “snake “ and trying to point those snakes out to other eagles . We’ve been trained to think that if Eagles are aware of snakes others eagles will join the band and call out the snakes behav

 “ yeah though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death ”’. Ps 23.  I’ve heard this scripture and totally missed the point.  I had an interesting revelation.  I read it again and realized that the scripture doesn’t say “ yeah though I get over the valley of the shadow of death because death doesn’t matter, it won’t make any difference in your future . “ Jesus never told anyone to “get over it “ He said to go through it, he said not to be afraid only because He’s there.  Wow! Jesus is in the Valley of the shadow of death!  He himself didn’t avoid that valley at the cross. Wow! You know what else he didn’t do?  He didn’t dismiss the Valley, he didn’t tell his disciples it was no big deal! He told them to remember his death, burial and resurrection. Two of the three above mentioned were horrible. If he denied the first two the third wouldn’t have made a difference. What did Jesus do with grief? I was reminded that Jesus, at the tomb of Lazerous wept. Why? He knew he was going to r

https://pin.it/41j24Zw Being raised in church has a lot of advantages. However there is a problem. There are some scriptures that I heard so many times and so many ways that those scriptures became “sayings”.  They sound good, even churchy, but they don’t mean anything. I don’t have televisions. 😱.  It’s not a religious or moral decision. I limit things that terrify me.  Have you read the news lately? Jesus come quickly. Anyway, this gives me more time to just think.   I’ve heard the saying “don’t cast your pearls before swine,” that became a “saying “. Yes it’s a scripture.  This thought never made sense to me.  What are pearls and who the heck are pigs and how do you recognize a pig ? I mean, we’re taking about people, right? The pearls part was always pretty obvious, until I thought about it.  But I missed something very important about oysters and even clams   Do you know how these crustaceans make pearls? Here's the process I read online:   "The formation of a natural pe