Groomed to Accept the Unacceptable

 This is Daniel, my service dog. Is it normal for a dog that’s two years old to wear a t-shirt and shoes?

This may be hard to hear, but it’s part of a story that needs to be told. I pray that it helps you learn to protect yourself and your children. 

Pedophiles and abusers have one thing in common; they choose their victims carefully. Once they have gained trust and access to their victim they can actually “abuse “ them in the middle of a crowd and no one notices. These people are trained to tell you “ he/she” is just trying to show you they love you , or “ pray for them” or, “ that’s just the way they are “.  Meanwhile the victim stands frozen in place confused and full of shame because the predator says things like “ how could you think that of me?  I’m your (father, brother, uncle, family friend.,.) and you know that I love you.”

The biggest weapons they have are secrecy, shame, and keeping their victim off balance by accusing them of being irrational .They victimize in public, in private they are the person you are “ taught to believe they are “, the trusted relative of friend, but in the middle of a crowd they are monsters, Everyone sees , but they do not comprehend. 

Why am I writing this? If one of you is made aware of the pattern and save yourself or someone around you then my vulnerability is enough. 

1) watch for signs : your child may retreat around this person. Listen and watch. If your child hesitates to “ hug or be around someone “ there is a reason.  They may not know how to tell you how they feel because they “want “ to believe they are safe because you may trust the “groomer”. 

2) withdrawal: if the victim tends to spend a great deal of time alone when this person is around, notice and give them permission to protect themselves.

3) freezing : shock, the inability to protect themselves because no one believes them or sees it and they don’t know how to respond. Watch your child’s response to people.  If your child is rude or obnoxious, this is probably rebellious behavior.  That behavior should be watched  not tolerated, but make yourself aware  

If your child exhibits the behaviors above I ask that you watch and listen and protect.  They might not have the skills to communicate with anyone their fears or anxiety so it’s your job to watch and listen  

I’m asking you to pay attention, teach your children proper touching, teach them to recognize their feelings and respect them  A child should never “rule “ your home, but they must be heard even in their silent behavior.

Victims are “groomed “ to believe they are irrational, they are the only victim, they shouldn’t say anything because it’s not “good” to feel or talk about this trusted person.

May you have eyes to see, ears to hear and wisdom to respond.