Unreasonable Determination

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 I have no idea why I feel so strongly today about disregarding  the ever changing expectations of my world. 

Yes, my world. 

I’ve spent years trying to give life a “reason” .  The “Whys” are innumerable! The “How’s” are even more daunting.

My journey has been inexplicably difficult the past year and more. 

I asked myself “How did that happen?” “Why did this happen?” Add one more question to those.. “What?” What do I do, what did I do?

So, without reasoning it out,  I came up with an answer that answers none of those questions, but gibbed me courage to move forward: It just is!

Do not misunderstand me.  I am not resigned. I am not giving up. I’m “ unreasonably determined.” 

I accept who I am, where I am and am determined to move on to whatever’s next. 

I’ve had doubts regarding everything! I do mean everything; Who am I? What am I supposed to be doing? What will go wrong next? Will I ever be healthy? What does a true friend look like? What Dr should I trust? Why did that happen to me? What did I do wrong? Why do I make jewelry? Why am I driven to create? Why have I survived every death sentence? What is my purpose?  All of that to come to a new conclusion: it doesn’t matter. 

I will do what’s on my heart. I will gain more information.  I will weather the storms of sickness and even insecurity.  Not because I’m “that” good , but because I’ve already done those things. 

I have a history of surviving! So do you. Every battle I’ve faced has been unreasonable!  So, I have to be unreasonable too. 

Anybody with me? 

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