Well, at least there’s that...

Have you or someone near to you been physically, mentally or emotionally abused? Growing up and marrying an emotional abuser can skew a persons ability to comprehend that they are being abused. While growing up, I had the impression that I was the reason my father failed in ministry. The concept was “if you weren’t born we would have traveled and had a great ministry.” Nobody knows where I got this idea from, but it was firmly planted in my mind.  The abuser changed tactics as I grew older. When he was having a “bad” day, it was my fault. I was literally told “he only acts like that when you’re around.” So, I stayed away from him as much as possible to keep him from blowing up or acting hateful. I assumed that it was my fault. The root of abuse is the need for power.   Abusers , all abusers, are thirsty for power. There are no exceptions.  During my childhood the abuser would be very kind, then funny, then cruel. People didn't or didn't want to see the cruel side. As a child I

Anxiety and seeds ; what does one have to do with the other ? I watched Elevation Church online today. Pastor Furdick talked about seeds and shoes.  Hmmm.  He buried a seed in a pot. When he buried the seed no one gasped , nor did it seem odd. He poured dirt on the seed and again, no one cared. Seeds are supposed to be in dirt. When you’re a seed the dirt is part of the process. Then he took off his white tennis shoes. He started to put them in the same dirt. People yelled, “don’t do it!” Why? Shoes are not made to be inside the dirt.  Shoes are made to walk on the dirt. Seeds are a doing inward work. Shoes are for the outward appearance .  Shoes don’t work without feet.  Seeds don’t work without dirt. Anxiety is often an outward manifestation of an inward experience. Anxiety is something most people bury .  When anxiety builds without purpose  , it produces pain. Elevation talked about what happens when we are under pressure, it hurts.  The dirt puts pressure on the seed. Dirt devalue

 Welcome to Texas, that's what the sign said. "It's a whole new world!"  While on the road to Texas I noted many new things. In Oklahoma we had Turnpikes, they ranged in price from $1.50 an exit to $3.50 depending on the number of axils. Turnpikes were often a one way ticket to wherever and if I accidentally took one, there were zero exits, or U-turns. Nope, I just had to stick it out. Once I accidentally got on a Turnpike and ended up half an hour away from my exit just to turn around and go back the other way.  However, once I got used to the Turnpike I managed it without much trouble. But here, WOW! They don't have a Turnpike, they have a... I don't know what they call it, but I think it's a "Tag". According to my GPS (it lies!) I went onto the Tag road, It's supposed to be the "fast lane." But if you take it...it will cost you. I didn't know any better and I took the "tag" lane. It's sometimes called the HOV la

 Be free! Ok. What does that look like? Maybe like the photo above? We’ll look into that next.  So. Who’s heard of the “shield of faith?” How many of you have been told to “take it up?” I have. Philippians talks about our “armor “. I've heard it over and over again. People actually depicted it as physically putting on a shield and the Armor of God, but I just couldn’t picture it until today  I thought a shield was a defense weapon. You know, to prevent you from incoming fire. That is true, but what do those darts look like? I mean, wouldn't darts be pretty obvious?  The scriptures say to "quench the fiery darts."  I try to take a different look at scriptures because the reality of them and the "magic, hocus pocus" we've all been taught are so white washed, I just couldn't apply it to my life. It made great "Fairy Tale sense". You know, the knight raises the shield, combats that arrows, puts the shield down and walks away with the girl and t

      As I walked Daniel tonight before bed I saw bright light twinkling all around him and toward me. I'm amazed at the beauty of these nocturnal creatures of light. I don't know the scientific reasons they light up, well, I do, but I don't care. They've been a kept secret between the Lord and I.       I often ask him to show them to me when my emotions are too heavy. He's never failed to bring one into my view when I ask. It's not magic, it's faith.     Faith is so misunderstood. I have often misunderstood it myself. I've heard preachers say it requires time in a "prayer closet", it takes specific words, no...that would be magic, wouldn't it. If God was moved by an incantation, wouldn't that mean the power of prayer was in my hands? Something to think about.     I've been doing a great deal of praying this past week. I feel like I've reached a new level in my praying. Not because I'm more full of faith...whatever that mean

  DEUTERONOMY 30:19 " I call heaven and earth to record this day against you that I have set before you life and death , blessing and cursing. Therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live." (KJV)     Most of you know that I look at scriptures in a very different light than most scholars. My searching doesn't mean I'm always correct or that someone else is incorrect. As depicted in the picture above, each of these children are seeing Jesus through a different facet of the diamond. I had a vision in my heart of this picture and someone was able to turn it into the art you see here.      The scriptures are alive, Jesus is alive and if you look at all of the forementioned from every angle you might see something you've missed. Pretend you're one of these children and look through my perspective. I hope I can explain to you what I see.     The scripture above mentions a choice. Read it again and see that God did not say that he commanded a blessin

 I live at a beautiful Independent Living gated community. I’ve lived here almost two years. I love it! I call it “The Cruise Ship that doesn’t leave the dock.” We have a salt water heated pool, a movie theatre, a billiard room, a craft room, a huge dining room, a work out room, a beautician, a manicurist, trade shows, almost daily activities…. It’s been an amazing experience. I had just turned 59 when I moved in. I came from a 4 bedroom house where I felt isolated . I wasn’t cooking, I was struggling to keep up with the cleaning… I  needed support and a community. These are actual pictures of my apartment. I paid extra to have the accent walls pained “Seaworthy “. I made this my home. I have a two bedroom, one and a half bathroom unit and it’s become “home “ to me.  Making friends anywhere is difficult, especially when you consider the “digital” age of cell phones and Zoom calls. I need people.  My quality of life has greatly improved because I was willing to take this step, be vulner

 I have no idea why I feel so strongly today about disregarding  the ever changing expectations of my world.  Yes, my world.  I’ve spent years trying to give life a “reason” .  The “Whys” are innumerable! The “How’s” are even more daunting. My journey has been inexplicably difficult the past year and more.  I asked myself “How did that happen?” “Why did this happen?” Add one more question to those.. “What?” What do I do, what did I do? So, without reasoning it out,  I came up with an answer that answers none of those questions, but gibbed me courage to move forward: It just is! Do not misunderstand me.  I am not resigned. I am not giving up. I’m “ unreasonably determined.”  I accept who I am, where I am and am determined to move on to whatever’s next.  I’ve had doubts regarding everything! I do mean everything; Who am I? What am I supposed to be doing? What will go wrong next? Will I ever be healthy? What does a true friend look like? What Dr should I trust? Why did that happen to me?

Funny story! Don't you hate it when people announce that there's a funny story coming? Oh well. It's my story. Most of you know that I make custom jewelry and have a website: barjeanajewelry.com.     I sell quite a bit of merchandise in person and I enjoy making personally crafted jewelry. However, I discovered that I have a serious problem. I remember the orders, but sometimes I forget who ordered the product.  A couple of days ago I had to pick up some things at Hobby Lobby and I saw this silver M. An image popped into my head of someone showing me a picture on a phone and asking me if I could make this necklace for their niece. I remembered that much, but I could not remember who ordered it. Okay, I admit that my business skills have been a little lacking lately. I've been dealing with days that I care not to remember (physically) so, often that limits my attention span. Matter of fact, I played the piano for a resident dinner a couple of weeks ago and someone came u