Well, at least there’s that...

 I know that most people don’t believe in ghosts, but I’m going to tell you a couple of true experiences that happened to me. Then I’m going to ask some questions. First true story. Our first daughter was less than a year old. We were living in a house that had been in my husbands family many years earlier.  It was a cute farmhouse, but it was so old that someone had added a hall that went from the main house to the kitchen. The only closet with any size was in that hall.  I had set up our silverware, etc and displayed our wedding glasses, etc on a shelf. I thought it was pleasant.  My husband was working days and I was working nights so we kept our daughter at home.   One morning I was awakened by a crash. Talk about scary! I made my way to the sound. It had come from the kitchen.  I thought “what in the world could happen in this kitchen?” There was only the one shelf that held wedding mementos.  I opened the door and the shelf had fallen. Here’s the...

 I’ve heard so many sermons on “breaking.”  I thought it was a horrible idea. Sometimes I get images in my mind that give me an alternate way of looking at things that bother me, I saw breaking as either an emotional or physical act, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Why would the God I’ve given my life to want me in a state of despair? He’s supposed to be my father. I’ve seen fathers break their children by destroying their dreams or making them feel unworthy,  Is that what God wants?  As I was thinking about this I got a picture in my mind,  Does this picture give you a new insight? It really made me see breaking as a miracle that I would ask for, I saw myself trapped inside a heavy boulder It surrounded me. It kept the light out and I felt trapped, The weight of the boulder was too much to bear, Then I saw myself struggling to get out of the boulder. I would push with all my might, but the boulder was too heavy and fortified to get free from it. Then I g...

I know that healthy jealousy sounds impossible.  Well, it is. So, let me explain.  There are people that have major issues that could be solved by “doing something “.  One person has high blood pressure and if they’d stop eating salty food and go for a walk… they wouldn’t have high blood pressure. But they don’t choose to be well.   I’m jealous of people that could be healthy and choose not to. It aggravates me because they have a solution, but won’t do it.  My life is full of “don’t do that’s “. I abide by those rules. Most of the time , it doesn’t make any difference. The Drs will figure out one thing and I learn to cope with it or manage it and something else happens.  I’m always looking ahead to “ now I can get my life back”! For example.  I was having severe back pain; degenerative discs. I found a surgeon that knew how to help stabilize my back. I was so happy and had the “now I can do…” feeling. When the surgery was over my lungs failed so I’ve ...

 Ok. Reality check.  First of all I’m now a blog-aholic… Quick question… did hell invent pain? Awww got you.  Why did God invent pain? To let your body tell you something is wrong.   Are you overly tired, working too hard, stressed out? The body responds using pain.  When I was diagnosed with cancer the Dr thought it was in my head so he politely said “cancer doesn’t hurt!” Of course that was before I was told I only had 6 moths tops to live and it did hurt.  It hurt so bad that I refused to accept his dismissal and found a more competent dr. What if there’d been no pain to encourage me to keep fighting for a reasonable answer? If I had no pain when I put my hand in a blender (ewe gross) think about all the times that pain saved you from permanent harm.  Next part. Does the devil pervert pain and inflict it for no reason? Excuse me, but hell yes.  He wants us to get a taste of what he will experience for eternity.  He doesn’t even know how he...

 This is a picture of my black lab "Daniel" swimming in a lake! So, cool. I always wanted a parrot. They are so fascinating, they talk, they laugh, they make sounds, what could be more fun than that? I found out that some people are just not "parrot people." However, our family was driving down a back street one day and the kids yelled "there's a parrot!" We stopped the car and my girls started calling to the parrot. I guess it was tired of walking, so it got in the car. They were thrilled! I was too. We decided to name that bird "Lucky" because he was lucky we found him. We found where he came from and the owner told us to "keep him". You're kidding! We were all so excited. Lucky learned how to say his name and he learned to whistle and sing and then it got night time and he didn't stop. My husband put a towel over Lucky's cage to make sure he knew it was night. That worked for a while. Unfortunately for Lucky, we didn...

I grew up thinking that the only value I had was to preach, or sing, or play the piano or to do all three at once. This thinking was not about what my parents taught me, it took me years to figure this out. I only knew that when something needed to get done, it was my job to do it. I had spiritual answers for everything. "I don't want to do that!" "But those who suffer for Jesus will partake in his glory." "Never say you'll never do something, that's what you'll end up doing." So, unlike many of my friends I did not decide what I would  not do. Missionary - great. I hope they serve hamburgers. Traveling Preacher - great I hope they have hamburgers. Worship leader - great, I hope they have hamburgers. So, I guess my never do was "go without hamburgers." Who knew? So, when I was in my teens I was invited to speak to the Sunday night church service. I had every point written out. It took me four minutes to read the whole thing. There...

 I sit here and color with colored pencils in a book that is called “Happy Place.” It’s a beautiful idea. I can list all my happy places in my life.  You know, holding my babies, loving people enough to risk my sanity , singing, riding horses, playing the piano…all gone.  My babies now have babies of their own, which I treasure, but I can’t hold them as they grow. I can only watch from a distance.  I’m still loving people, but I don’t risk my sanity for anyone.., maybe that’s not a bad thing.  There were years when I sang in the lights, I led others into the presence , lifting their spirits above the troubles of every day.    I think horses saved my life. They asked nothing of me. I went to them and gave them love and watched life return to their eyes. I sang to them and brushed  them and when I rode them I was close to heaven.  Playing the piano for others to enjoy. Participating in their experience.  Giving … Where’s my relevance?...

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve heard every reason I “should” do or be something. Haven’t you? You know, you should take care of yourself …why? You might get sick.  You should be a kind person … why? So you don’t hurt others.  Don’t stand in front of the microwave. Why? You could get cancer.  Here’s one… always trust God. Why? Because your soul is at stake.  Hmmm Do you notice one thing about all of these reasons? Protection.  The reason I live a healthy life is to protect myself, the reason I’m kind is to protect others . The reason I trust God is because He could come at any moment and send me to hell if he doesn’t like what I’m doing? Let’s look at that last phrase. Keywords”trust” “fear”, “I’m”. They don’t make sense.  I trust because I’m afraid and the outcome relies solely on me.   That can’t be the reason.  Are there any deep thinkers out there that can give me a “reason” that does not include fear , or my choices ?  Let’s talk.  I’l...

  Have you ever said these words: “if you could just understand ?”  I’m sure we’ve all said “I understand “ to people going through things we can not comprehend.  It’s our way of pouring out sympathy or trying to emphasize with someone we care about   Don’t stop saying it   But look at it another way. There have been times in my life that have been hard for me to understand. I used to hear this in church “God puts you through things to help you empathize (or minister) to someone else”   To tell you the truth, that always confused me.  I thought they were telling me that God did terrible things to me so I could relate to someone else. I interpreted that as “God so loved the world that they are more important to Him than I am.” Have those thoughts ever crossed your mind or am I the only one?  If He puts me through difficult things for the sake of someone else, how does that help them? This part is going to get very real    Does God want me...

I could also entitle this "look in the last place first."  This is a tragic story about lost things.  I have more treasures in the "better  place" than I can imagine.  Oh it starts out well enough. "I'm not going to put it in the ordinary place. I' going to put it in  the "better" place.  It sound so magical. It makes perfect sense to you at the moment,  but it's a trap! I had to pray tonight, not because I was doing a religious exercise (I'm allergic).  Nope, it was far deeper than that. 🙄.  I put something important in a "better place" and I had to ask Jesus to "please" help me find it.  It sound so spiritual. "Jesus, I put things in a "better place". Do you know where that is?" Then scriptural references that I won't post links to came to mind. "I have prepared a better place for you." My response, "Then where is it?" "Don't put  your treasure in earthen vesse...