Well, at least there’s that...

Thank you Pastor Steven Furtick. You inspired me... I've often lived in a world that is black and white. Not speaking of persons of different colors, no. I didn't understand the "gray" zone. , My world was "ALL OR NOTHING!" If a person is bad, that's just who they are. If a person is kind, that's who they are. That's not possible. There are times when I'm angry, that does not make me an "angry" person. There are times when I'm hurt, but that's only one part of me. Pastor Furtick talks about all the parts of us that we want to pretend don't exist. I hope you enjoy this. I've been trying to find the US in life. We all live with US, everyday, every minute...it's hard. When I speak about US I am not speaking about you and me necessarily. I am speaking of me and the ghosts of my past. Pastor Furtick put it like this, "G - guilt, H - hopelessness - O- offenses, S- sorrow, T- threats". He made some

This blog may get under your skin. I hope it does. It came about because of a dream. This dream struck me to my core. It is as follows: White people with cameras were lined up on the streets. All dressed in their “Sunday best”. They were going to black neighborhoods and snatching black children for photo opps. I saw this happening and it made me angry. Even other black people were literally snatching up these children for photo opps.  The children were running, crying and screaming, but no one was listening.  They just wanted pictures of how well they were treating these children. I went to that neighborhood and just walked around. The children ran from me because I was white. They were afraid that I wanted to exploit them, dress them up then throw them away.  I found one child in distress and I went to her. She started to run, but I just held out my arms crying myself. She came to me.  She was all dressed up and trying to eat her dinner when someone had taken her just

I swear I have tried to figure out how to love my enemies. It appears that I'm just not that good. I've met many of my enemies and I find nothing to love in them. Trust me, I've tried. So, today's thoughts center around truth. I'm not talking about the truth of others, or even what I've been told was "God's Truth".  I'm talking about living, breathing, loving truth. I confused intimacy, friendship and vulnerability with the meaning of love, Dear God, how much time have I wasted? So, I've been looking at the Old Testament and the New Testament. I wanted to know what God thought  about his enemies, my enemies. In the Old Testament he pretty much told Israel to "Wipe them out!" Unless he had a reason. When the nation of Israel took the promised land God told them not to wipe out all of the enemies, just yet. He had a great reason. "If you wipe them all out the wild animals and weeds will take over the land. You don't

Own it... or don't. I heard a song on the radio today that I hadn't heard before and it started me thinking. I couldn't tell you who sang it or the title, but I remember this line: "This is my day". Who owns your day? I hear all the religious people saying, "God does?" Okay, if he does, what does he want you to do with it? Easy question. The Bible is pretty clear... 'Love God, love others." That's a wrap... Actually I own my day. I can't give something away that I don't own, that would be stealing. Follow me on this rabbit trail if you will. I've spent a great deal of time waiting. Waiting for...the right time, things to get better, me to be stronger, life to get fair...ha! Guess what? Those are all lies. Honestly, and this is not meant to depress you, but sometimes things do not get better, rarely is life fair and sometimes I don't know how to get stronger. Sometimes life sucks big time. I own it. I own the fact th

As you can imagine I have had very little to write about lately. I, like everyone, have a lot on my mind, but nothing noteworthy. I try to keep social distancing from the news . 😱😱 Since I am single I have quite a lot of time on my hands. Thank God I can work from home, but home is like being trapped in "Groundhog Day". I wish I still had the underwear with the days on it so I could keep track. So, I had a thought today....yes, it still happens. What do we do now? There is no absolute answer for that question, just ask anybody. I watched Elevation Church's service last weekend (I think) and it was precious to my soul. The pastor spoke about the "New Normal" and how Israel faced a new normal when they stood between the Red Sea and Pharaoh's Army. They had been slaves for over 400 years! They had no idea what "normal" looked like. People often judge the children of Israel harshly for their doubt, but I get it. I mean, they had not experien

Have you ever had a really nice umbrella, but it had a hole in it? You might not even see the hole, but everytime it rained, you got wet. Is it the umbrella's fault? Nope. Is it your fault? Nope. It's called "wear and tear." I had an umbrella given to me at birth. It was perfectly fine until life started happening to it. The details aren't important. Me saying that it had some holes in it is an understatement. Mine had gashes in it, but I couldn't figure out where the leakage was coming from. People have tried to blame me, my skills as an adult, etc. but I just couldn't buy into that reasoning. I've been going to counseling for over 25 years. I've been taught "coping skills" but they were just bandaids that distracted me from the rain. What I just realized is how the holes in my umbrella affected my family..especially my family. I often thought to myself, "I'm kind and I've done all I could to protect my family.&q

Have you ever heard words: "Jesus is enough" and felt condemned? It's a very religious thing to say to somebody. But if you're like me, you hear, "What's wrong with you?" So, throughout the years I've done a lot of studying about loneliness. Most of us know that loneliness has nothing to do with how many people are in the room with you. Sometimes people are even lonely in the midst of a crowded room of their friends or family. Loneliness is not a disease, but it causes much discomfort. To some people loneliness is like a slow agonizing death. I understand that. Today I want to redefine loneliness and talk a little about how to cope with it. Some people cope with loneliness by jumping into a new relationship, only to find that they are just as lonely as they were before, if not more. I've seen it so many times. I've had single friends who would just die without a husband or wife, but when they got one they were so sad. Their previous

Recently someone very close to me passed away. She was a very kind individual. Her heart was to help anyone who needed it. She was very misunderstood.  She worked hard to allow people into her life.  She was seeking the approval of anyone. She was hoping someone would hear and understand her. People say this all the time, but I state this as a fact. I’m happy for her. She suffered greatly, more than anyone I ever met. Her death was caused by a broken heart, spirit and soul. She stopped believing anyone would ever hear her. I tried to hear her. I tried to support her decisions, but the pain she felt from a lack of love and listening kept her deaf to my desire to help her. I do not mourn her loss. Isn’t that strange. I loved her so much, but she was hurting the kind of hurt that can not be relieved. Pain in your soul is the worst and longest type of death. It takes years and years, disappointment after disappointment and betrayal beyond what an average person can handle. I reme

One of the most damaging thoughts I’ve ever had was supposedly “spiritual “ in nature. “Make sure you’re where you’re supposed to be.”  I bet you’ve heard it too. It sounds spiritual... only one problem. It depends solely on me. There is no supporting evidence  anywhere in scripture to prove that I have anything or much to do with planning my location to meet Gods need. Wow! The truth will set you free. Let’s take some examples. Mary- mother of Jesus. All 12 disciples Every prophet and king in the Bible. What were they all doing when The Messiah and even Jehovah himself came to them? They were all living ... normal, established lives. Don’t get me wrong. The Lord did appear in a dream to MANY people in the Bible. For example He told Joseph “Get out of where you are and go to Egypt.”  Well, ok. Where was Joseph before then? At home being a carpenter. God spoke to men regarding Saul (Paul). He told them where to go and even what to expect. What were they doing before? L

I can sum up 2019 in one sentence. "I don't have to." I"m sure that messes with your mind a bit. Today is New Years Eve and most people are thinking about what they "should" do in 2020 that they did not do in 2019. Instead I want to look back at the year and see what I don't have to do anymore.  I got it in my head that there was a list of things I had to do in order to be successful. I even had a brilliant definition of  the word: Successful. I defined success and achievement as the same thing. So if I "did something" I was successful. I couldn't have been more incorrect. I know a lot of people that accomplish things but are never successful. Achievements: Something I think I have to accomplish. Success: knowing how to live honestly. One thing I took off of my "I have to " list is giving advice.  I share my journey, with full knowledge that I don't have all the answers. I have learned to hear what people really nee