Well, at least there’s that...

As stated in my previous blogs, I was in a coma for 5 1/2 weeks. There are some things I just don't remember. However lately, those memories, albeit fuzzy at times, have been coming back to me. Some are really funny and some are not. Sunday I awoke from a dream. It was beautiful. I was married and I was calling my husband by his nick name and my children were running around playing. It was beautiful. But, then I woke up...nobody was there. It was really hard to recover from that. To say I miss the grand moments and the laughter that once was my life would be a gross understatement. But before I go there let me just tell you that it's now safe to drive on the road. I am home. Why do I say that? Well, it's late and I'm tired. It's been an exasperating day at work and I've been making growling noises at a computer all day. So, when I headed for home my car was fogged up because of the cold. Normally, the first thing I do is reach for my glasses. Although I can

I've written about precious moments with my children in past blogs, but I thought I’d share some more. I hope you find a reason to laugh. My oldest daughter had a gift for interpreting facts .  She would make random statements that were definitely interesting. One Sunday after church she asked a very strange question. Out of the blue she asked, “Mom, what’s a doo de pen?” I had no idea what she was talking about. Then she started singing a song from church, “In Him we doo de pen.”  It was one of her favorite songs. There was a gentleman that sang this song regularly and she called him “the doo de pen man.” Suddenly I realized what she was trying to say.  The song was in Him we "do depend!” Never looked at that song the same way again. When she was just a baby we drove from Oklahoma to North Carolina. On the way she would get fussy.  This was before car seats were required. I would  put her in the front seat (don't judge me) I would have her look out of the wind

Clocks: The big hand is on the 5 and the little hand is on the 6. Can you tell me what time it is? Guess what? I've found many individuals that can not tell time this way. WHAT? I heard one of them literally say, "I don't know what that means." Welcome to the digital generation. Here's another one: Please sign  your name in cursive. Response: "I don't know how." I thought the generation gap was big between my mother and I because she didn't understand the words to the songs I listened to on the radio. I thought the generation gap was huge when my mother couldn't understand my new hair style....it wasn't even a different color....just parted differently. I thought the generation gap was even bigger when Bell Bottom Pants came out and my mother didn't want me wearing them...they were too sloppy. Or how about when "ripped jeans" became a thing? I think people could hear the shudder from my mother, "Why would y

Have you ever felt like something in your life needed  to be fixed? You think you’ve found the perfect solution only to look around and notice that everything you cared about is missing? I just graduated from 9 weeks of intense training. My goal: make an income so I don’t run out of money, pay off debts so I need less money to meet my financial needs. All good plans, great goals, but the price.. giving up time with family and friends, feeling isolated and alone, depression, anxiety, exhaustion, inability to create... is it worth it? Today I drew a picture. It’s one that someone else envisioned, but I just “ had “ to draw it. There was a little girl and Jesus was walking in front of her clearing a path through tall grass.  As the little girl traveled behind him she got distracted by a swing set and a teeter totter and some birds and the wind and she started heading toward what looked like a better path. Suddenly she turns back and she’s lost the path and sight of Jesus. She stops

 I bought two pink t-shirt dresses for my youngest granddaughters.  I like to add buttons and stuff to them. It makes them mine... plus, they can’t take them back...he, he.  No, really I just enjoy doing it. So, as I was sewing things onto the one dress I realized that the other one was just a t-shirt.  “ NO!”  So I thought about it , Then I saw that I had some pink fabric. You see the problem was that I had no idea how to add a skirt to a t/shirt. You see, words like “fabric” and “sewing” have only been introduced to my world in the past few months. Reference “domestically challenged “ blog.  Needless to say I don’t know what I’m doing. I just make it up as I go along. Anyway, so I cut the fabric the length I wanted the skirt to be. I decided that I needed to add elastic or the poor child wouldn’t be able to get in or out of it. Yes, made it up as I went along. So, here’s the part not to tell my mother... just kidding... I actually sewed a skirt to the t-shirt and it ( almost) loo

Well. I’ve found something common to all of us that will or can break us as human beings. I believe this one thing is at the heart of addictions, depression, anxiety, even sickness. It’s very powerful. The sad thing is we all have the remedy. All of us. We withhold this thing from people and it can break them.  It’s broken people who seemed to have everything they could ever want. It’s taken down giants and destroyed kings. But we all have the solution.  Why do we withhold it? Why do we set unreasonable expectations in order to give it to someone.  Is it worth holding on to? Is it worth hiding?  Have you reached a place where the lack of this one thing is breaking you? The thing is... we can be in a crowd of people, we can be famous, we can be in a family, but without this one thing we are like flowers dying in a garden full of rich soil. We need this one thing. Yet we withhold it from those around us. What is this thing that breaks a soul , wears a heart down, takes away hope, c

We’ve talked about making yourself “worth “ it to others. It’s important that you stand up for yourself or how will your children know how to stand up for themselves? Abuse victims have learned that they can not stand up for themselves. Once I was asked “Why didn’t you slap him?” I couldn’t . I literary was frozen in time. I couldn't scream, I couldn’t fight back, I had learned to be helpless. This type of learned helplessness combined with PTSD is a living nightmare. Not only are you reliving your worst experience you are helpless to do anything about it. I remember after the car accident. I had recurring dreams that I was driving a car that I could not stop. Every time, the brakes went out. Every time I pushed them as hard as I could and every time I failed. PTSD is torment. It wakes you up, it keeps you awake, it torments you and it can even get mixed in with the foundation of your very being. I’ve talked about this before in my blog “PTSD and the Egyptians.” I recommend

At one point in my life I felt that I had little to no value.  I did exactly as I was expected to do in every situation. I tried to do what was fair and just even to my own detriment. I thought that if I was the one who got hurt I could handle it. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was being “brave”! Or was I? Victims of abuse want to believe they are the only victims. We would never want anyone to experience the hell we have. But that’s the problem. Because we are convinced that it’s all about us we don’t confront the abuser. We learn to “take it” predators tell victims that they are irrational, that they are misunderstanding the motives of the abuser. My favorite line when confronting an abuser is “How could you think that of me?” Because it’s true. If it quacks like a duck,  pretty confidant it’s a duck. No more cover ups. Mothers. If your child feels “uneasy “ Or tells you that someone is “ creepy” about someone do NOT disregard that. Do not make it a spiritual issue. Somethi

I was reading in the book of Esther this morning and an interesting thought popped into my head. Thoughts run through frequently. Glad I caught this one! When Ester realized that her uncle was in distress she did something interesting. Her uncle Morticia was sitting by the gate in “sackcloth and ashes”.  Sounds terribly uncomfortable. She sent him some new clothes and he refused to wear them. After she couldn’t “fix” her Uncle she decided to find out what the problem was. Unfortunately the problem required a lot more from her than the “fixing” would have. So, there’s  her Uncle, sitting in sackcloth and fasting. He’s intent on finding an answer to this life or death situation. He lets Esther know the problem and she realizes the severity. In case she thought she was “special” because of being the queen or that her position would save her, Morticia tells her plainly that she won’t escape, plus she was their only hope. His words to her were, “For such a time as this” resonate

I find it interesting that God uses ,”I Am” statements. God says “I am that I am”. Jesus also uses “I Am” statements. He said, “I am The way, the truths, the life “. How do we define ourselves? What are your ,” I am” statements? When you start describing yourself what words do you use? Does it sound something like..,” I’m fat/skinny”? “Short/ tall? Smart/educated, ignorant, lazy, frustrated, too young/ too old? “. If these are the statements you use to describe yourself I wouid like to offer some alternatives. Every phrase mentioned above has one common theme... they are perspectives that can be changed. “I hear you say, “I can’t change my height? If I’m short, I’m just short!” So, let me ask you this....who are you comparing your height to and does your height define you?” I’ve met and dated men that had the “ I’m short” mentality. Guess who suffered from their acceptance of their limitations? Everyone who wanted to have a relationship with them.  Yep, once you define yourself