Well, at least there’s that...

Survival: I just couldn’t see how God could get any glory by my survival alone. My definition of testimony was: survive and smile while doing it. It just wasn’t working. Everything felt pointless. I was insecure, uncertain that the God I believed in and the God I knew could possibly be the same. I know that sounds strange, but if you believe something just because someone told you about, but evidence says differently...it leads to confusion.  There is a song with lyrics that say, “I pray to a God I don’t believe in...” I think it’s called, “Hearts don’t break even.” Anyway, I’ve known God my entire life. I’ve used words like; faith, trust and hope... but something was missing. Some people say it was faith. Some say it’s doubt. Others say that a person isn’t really born again if they don’t know God. Well, that can’t be true. I believed in God, I trusted him with my eternal soul, but with my life down here...not so much. I had little evidence to support what I wanted to believe. Like

I have often posed this question. I’ve met so many people in my life from so many different places and venues that sometimes I remember a face, but can’t associate  them with a place. I’ve also wondered how do you get to know someone? As I’ve mentioned in my previous blogs, I’ve never lived in one location for very long. So, I assumed that people were who they said they were. However, I’ve learned that most people say who they want to be, but hide who they are. We all do it. When I meet people I let them know what I want them to know about me. I portray the most acceptable version of myself. Holding back information used to be a real problem for me. But it’s not like you think. Because I’ve had “speed” relationships I tended to “spill the beans” up front so someone wouldn’t be surprised by my sorrows or my failures . My sorrow, challenges and failures were what definitioned me. As I wrote in my most current blog, I’ve learned to be myself in spite of those things and not allow

Let’s talk about “pods “ those amazing pouches of detergent that smell wonderful and are easily to handle , plus they have all the softener and everything in them. Amazing! Until... I’ve had a few problems with the “pods” have you?  I love the convenience and they smell great, but I’ve discovered a down side. Dear Pod creators, if you’re reading this , please take notes. I have a white comforter. It’s soft and just the right weight. It needed a bath so I pulled out my handy dandy pods, dropped them in the washer and washed my comforter. Sounds amazing right?  Well , then I went to put it on the bed and discovered something horrible.  “Pod brains!” The pod had not completely dissolved and the brains were stuck to my comforter. Big blue spot, stuck like glue to the center of my white comforter. I don’t use profanity, I feel that it’s a sign of ignorance. Just my opinion. I believe profanity is only necessary when a persons vocabulary isn’t developed.  Just my opinion. BUT. I have

I've gone through so many changes in my life and I think I thought my story had already been written. But how many of you know there has to be an ending to have a good story? I thought my story was about survival! Yes... I'm still here! Amazing! But it isn't over. I thought my story was about cancer. I'm still here. Amazing! But it isn't over. I thought a car wreck would be the end, but I'm still here, yet again. I saw a marriage fall apart, its death tore my heart apart, but I'm still here. Tonight I was at an outdoor concert enjoying worship by Iron Horse Soldiers band and music by Nicole Nordeman;. it was amazing. Nicole was talking about her life. It seems that she's had more than one as well. She was the super famous musician and artist, writer, mother and then her world stopped. It was her alone with her two children on a stormy night and I could feel her pain. As she tells it, she had been trying to keep her life together , but one night

As I was driving home tonight I saw a friend. He was amazing. I thought he'd gone for the season, but he stayed one night longer to see me as I journeyed home. The stars were out and the sky was deep blue. I was driving along with my headlights on and wondering where time had gone? The road was straight and the hills were few. I almost missed my glimpse of you. There was no left, there was no right, just trees and road were in my sites. But there you were, a light from heaven, sent to remind me I'm not forgotten. I've seen you in my little back yard, through trees and shrubs when it got dark. I almost stopped as if to say "Don't you know Fall's on its way?" You didn't care it was just you and I. You smiled as if to say  "Good night!" (My firefly song)

Okay, yeah so I’m xx years old. Does that mean that there are no firsts left for me to experience? I hope not. Wouldn’t it be terrible to reach a certain age and have done everything there was to do? So, here are some firsts I haven’t had yet. I haven’t had my first skydiving trip, bungee jump, encounter with a real lion... See, there are plenty of firsts left. Now, how about the firsts I might want to have? Well, first love...yep. Done that. Second love, yep done that too. I have three children and four grandchildren so I have many loves. First marriage, yep. First Divorce...yep. Oh God I hope there aren’t any more! So, do “first in a long times” count? Let’s try. So, today was the first time in a long time that I’ve gone to the Doctor and my blood pressure was perfect! It was my first Dr visit where I had no symptoms of depression! What? Yes. That’s awesome! I remember the first night I slept without nightmares! That was amazing. The first night I slept all the way through..oh

Honestly I’ve spent many years of my life hearing  people repeat one particular word to me. . “What?” Followed by a frustrated, “I didn’t hear a you!” While I was growing up the philosophy that children were best seen and not heard was still a “thing”.  Plus, being a preacher's kid, who could get a word in edgewise...lol! Then there was the “breath factor”. Yes, now this is serious. Once I was getting ready to sing for a performance and my father told me that my breath smelled really bad. So, I asked him for a mint. Get this... he said,” no, that will teach you to buy mints when we’re at the store.” Well, no...it really didn’t. What it did do was make me very self conscious about projecting my voice. So, when I was in front of a microphone singing and nobody could smell my breath “Super woman” voice came out. Get me in a closed space and “twinkle toes” emerged.  It was a thing! Well in the past few months, as I’ve taken you along my journey I have noticed something wonderful.

How do you know when you’re making a good decision? I’ve heard some people say “ I just had a feeling”.  Feelings are indicators and should not be ignored. “Well that’s just against everything I’ve beern taught. “ I’ve been told that feelings are liars. Yep, that if you feel like crying you should stuff it and be brave. That is so wrong. Feelings are indicators of what’s going on around you and even in your own mind.  Let’s take fear for an example.  There are healthy fears. Bet you never heard that before. I haven’t. So, I’m afraid of snakes. Do you know why? They bite.  Also I don’t have enough information about snakes to know which ones are poisonous or not. I’m afraid of alligators. I don’t know any friendly alligators.  All I know about alligators is that they are sneaky. They will eat almost anything and like people. I mean to eat, not to have lunch with. Ha! Let’s see, what else... fire, tornadoes, lightning, do you see my point? Fear is an indicator of danger. Fear in its

I know I keep talking about this , but I just can’t help it. God’s love is ridiculous. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. I have a few friends that I know cherish me. They love me just the way I am with the hope that I won’t stay this way. I know they have my back. I never wonder what they are thinking, they don’t condemn me and they don’t spiritualize my problems. I don’t have to beg their forgiveness and I never feel that I have to explain myself. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. But I know that as much as they love me, it doesn’t compare to the love of  Christ.  He has my back in ways that I can’t imagine. He always thinks the best of me and when I’m wrong he gives me time to listen to his still small voice. If I’m angry he listens and waits because he knows that I’ll always come back to him. If I have a bad attitude he doesn’t reject me. Again, he waits. He doesn’t pout or get offended, he treasures me.  I respect him. I love him and the more I get to know Him the gre

There has been much speculation as to why Cain's offering was unacceptable to God. I’d like to explore a few of those theories. That’s all they can be is theories because there are no real facts or details to give us any real information. (See Genesis 4) The speculation that I disagree with the most is that Cain didn’t bring a lamb. God had not established a covenant yet. The Bible does describe Abel’s offering differently. It states that Abel brought "his best", It says that Cain brought “some”. Then there’s the issue of the heart. I wonder if Abel’s heart and Cain’s attitude were the divining factor? I mean the Bible says that Abel’s offering was accepted. But it says that when Cain’s wasn’t he got angry at God. He didn't try to fix his mistake. He didn't even ask God to forgive him. No, he got so angry that he took his brother on a walk and Abel never came home. Do you think Cain might have had some problems with his attitude? Now it wasn’t like Cain didn