Getting to know someone takes time, but I don't have any?
I have often posed this question. I’ve met so many people in my life from so many different places and venues that sometimes I remember a face, but can’t associate them with a place.
I’ve also wondered how do you get to know someone? As I’ve mentioned in my previous blogs, I’ve never lived in one location for very long. So, I assumed that people were who they said they were. However, I’ve learned that most people say who they want to be, but hide who they are. We all do it.
When I meet people I let them know what I want them to know about me. I portray the most acceptable version of myself.
Holding back information used to be a real problem for me. But it’s not like you think. Because I’ve had “speed” relationships I tended to “spill the beans” up front so someone wouldn’t be surprised by my sorrows or my failures . My sorrow, challenges and failures were what definitioned me.
As I wrote in my most current blog, I’ve learned to be myself in spite of those things and not allow those moments to define me. So, where once I willingly showed my scarred heart, I now share the fullness of me. Brokenness never helped anyone. There is a time and a place to be vulnerable and broken but it isn’t with strangers.
I’ve introduced myself as a “victim “ expecting people to react in kindness. However a few of those people actually took advantage of that weakness, and hurt me on purpose, I now realize that what I was really doing was teaching people how to treat me. Odd, isn’t it?
If we tell others our vulnerabilities before we vet them to find out who they really are they are learning how to hurt us. They are also learning what we will tolerate. Think about it. If you tell someone that people always reject you or betray you in a particular way and if they aren’t safe people, you’re telling them what kind of behavior is acceptable to you.
Kind and conscientious people may try not to victimize you again, but you have just sent them a signal saying, “ if you hurt me like I’ve been hurt in the past and I tell you about it, you are now responsible for my pain. It’s like saying, “ you know that I broke my arm so if you touch it, then you’re doing it on purpose.” Is that true? Do people actually bump into your brokenness on purpose? Yes. Some do. Do people accidentally touch your brokenness? Yes, they do that too.
Should I hold you accountable to remember where I’ve been scarred or where I’ve been broken? That’s impossible for anyone to do. It isn’t their job. It isn’t their pain. Should people be kind t each other? Absolutely, but even in kindness we often hurt others.
If I tell an evil hearted person my vulnerabilities, they know my weaknesses and I’ve just given them tools to use against me. Not everyone is nice. But not everyone is evil either.
So now I’m learning how to get to know people. It’s a process. I rarely put words over actions. If you tell me that you love me, but treat me with disdain, then your words and actions are not coherent.
So, what does one do? Here are two ways to get to know someone. Watch and listen. People will tell you how they treat others, if they gossip about someone else, they will gossip about you. If they are rude and inconsiderate of others, they will eventually treat you that way.
I have given people a unique way to get to know me. I write about myself. I talk about my processes , I show you my heart, I’m honest. But I’m not vulnerable. I own my life and no one else can have it. I own my strengths and nobody can have them either.
So, my final question is, “How do you know God?” Well, I think we need to read his letters to us. Can I be as simple as to say that Gods Word... the Bible, is God’s blog? He’s honest, he shares his heart, he even shows his weakness. What? Yes, we are his weakness. I just got chills.
The only thing that matters to God is...us. Us, the God that created EVERYTHING.. I am his weakness. I matter. Sure changes my outlook on everything. I’m done with religious obligations ! It’s he and I. It’s you and him. It’s a God blog and I’m the reason he wrote it. He is in love with us!
That’s a God that I want to know. That’s a Savior I can understand, that’s love. What is love without need? If he didn’t need me, why would he go to so much trouble?
I hope this sets you free. Free from obligation and free to love. I am not his obligation I am his need. He needs me to love him. So, religious jargon means nothing now. I don’t have to be coached to read his blog, I don’t have to be told to spend time with him. I want him! I want to need him as badly as he wants me. Please let me know if this effects you to the core as it has done me. He’s real, he IS love, he doesn’t want anything from me that I don’t want to give him... I love him so much.... I give him everything. There isn’t a corner of my life that he can’t have. True love hides nothing. Oh, how he loves.... tears overwhelm my soul. He’s so good and I can’t wsit to spend every day for the rest of my life and for eternity with him. Joy! Pure joy!
I’ve also wondered how do you get to know someone? As I’ve mentioned in my previous blogs, I’ve never lived in one location for very long. So, I assumed that people were who they said they were. However, I’ve learned that most people say who they want to be, but hide who they are. We all do it.
When I meet people I let them know what I want them to know about me. I portray the most acceptable version of myself.
Holding back information used to be a real problem for me. But it’s not like you think. Because I’ve had “speed” relationships I tended to “spill the beans” up front so someone wouldn’t be surprised by my sorrows or my failures . My sorrow, challenges and failures were what definitioned me.
As I wrote in my most current blog, I’ve learned to be myself in spite of those things and not allow those moments to define me. So, where once I willingly showed my scarred heart, I now share the fullness of me. Brokenness never helped anyone. There is a time and a place to be vulnerable and broken but it isn’t with strangers.
I’ve introduced myself as a “victim “ expecting people to react in kindness. However a few of those people actually took advantage of that weakness, and hurt me on purpose, I now realize that what I was really doing was teaching people how to treat me. Odd, isn’t it?
If we tell others our vulnerabilities before we vet them to find out who they really are they are learning how to hurt us. They are also learning what we will tolerate. Think about it. If you tell someone that people always reject you or betray you in a particular way and if they aren’t safe people, you’re telling them what kind of behavior is acceptable to you.
Kind and conscientious people may try not to victimize you again, but you have just sent them a signal saying, “ if you hurt me like I’ve been hurt in the past and I tell you about it, you are now responsible for my pain. It’s like saying, “ you know that I broke my arm so if you touch it, then you’re doing it on purpose.” Is that true? Do people actually bump into your brokenness on purpose? Yes. Some do. Do people accidentally touch your brokenness? Yes, they do that too.
Should I hold you accountable to remember where I’ve been scarred or where I’ve been broken? That’s impossible for anyone to do. It isn’t their job. It isn’t their pain. Should people be kind t each other? Absolutely, but even in kindness we often hurt others.
If I tell an evil hearted person my vulnerabilities, they know my weaknesses and I’ve just given them tools to use against me. Not everyone is nice. But not everyone is evil either.
So now I’m learning how to get to know people. It’s a process. I rarely put words over actions. If you tell me that you love me, but treat me with disdain, then your words and actions are not coherent.
So, what does one do? Here are two ways to get to know someone. Watch and listen. People will tell you how they treat others, if they gossip about someone else, they will gossip about you. If they are rude and inconsiderate of others, they will eventually treat you that way.
I have given people a unique way to get to know me. I write about myself. I talk about my processes , I show you my heart, I’m honest. But I’m not vulnerable. I own my life and no one else can have it. I own my strengths and nobody can have them either.
So, my final question is, “How do you know God?” Well, I think we need to read his letters to us. Can I be as simple as to say that Gods Word... the Bible, is God’s blog? He’s honest, he shares his heart, he even shows his weakness. What? Yes, we are his weakness. I just got chills.
The only thing that matters to God is...us. Us, the God that created EVERYTHING.. I am his weakness. I matter. Sure changes my outlook on everything. I’m done with religious obligations ! It’s he and I. It’s you and him. It’s a God blog and I’m the reason he wrote it. He is in love with us!
That’s a God that I want to know. That’s a Savior I can understand, that’s love. What is love without need? If he didn’t need me, why would he go to so much trouble?
I hope this sets you free. Free from obligation and free to love. I am not his obligation I am his need. He needs me to love him. So, religious jargon means nothing now. I don’t have to be coached to read his blog, I don’t have to be told to spend time with him. I want him! I want to need him as badly as he wants me. Please let me know if this effects you to the core as it has done me. He’s real, he IS love, he doesn’t want anything from me that I don’t want to give him... I love him so much.... I give him everything. There isn’t a corner of my life that he can’t have. True love hides nothing. Oh, how he loves.... tears overwhelm my soul. He’s so good and I can’t wsit to spend every day for the rest of my life and for eternity with him. Joy! Pure joy!
Comments