Well, at least there’s that...

 This is a picture of my black lab "Daniel" swimming in a lake! So, cool. I always wanted a parrot. They are so fascinating, they talk, they laugh, they make sounds, what could be more fun than that? I found out that some people are just not "parrot people." However, our family was driving down a back street one day and the kids yelled "there's a parrot!" We stopped the car and my girls started calling to the parrot. I guess it was tired of walking, so it got in the car. They were thrilled! I was too. We decided to name that bird "Lucky" because he was lucky we found him. We found where he came from and the owner told us to "keep him". You're kidding! We were all so excited. Lucky learned how to say his name and he learned to whistle and sing and then it got night time and he didn't stop. My husband put a towel over Lucky's cage to make sure he knew it was night. That worked for a while. Unfortunately for Lucky, we didn&

I grew up thinking that the only value I had was to preach, or sing, or play the piano or to do all three at once. This thinking was not about what my parents taught me, it took me years to figure this out. I only knew that when something needed to get done, it was my job to do it. I had spiritual answers for everything. "I don't want to do that!" "But those who suffer for Jesus will partake in his glory." "Never say you'll never do something, that's what you'll end up doing." So, unlike many of my friends I did not decide what I would  not do. Missionary - great. I hope they serve hamburgers. Traveling Preacher - great I hope they have hamburgers. Worship leader - great, I hope they have hamburgers. So, I guess my never do was "go without hamburgers." Who knew? So, when I was in my teens I was invited to speak to the Sunday night church service. I had every point written out. It took me four minutes to read the whole thing. There

 I sit here and color with colored pencils in a book that is called “Happy Place.” It’s a beautiful idea. I can list all my happy places in my life.  You know, holding my babies, loving people enough to risk my sanity , singing, riding horses, playing the piano…all gone.  My babies now have babies of their own, which I treasure, but I can’t hold them as they grow. I can only watch from a distance.  I’m still loving people, but I don’t risk my sanity for anyone.., maybe that’s not a bad thing.  There were years when I sang in the lights, I led others into the presence , lifting their spirits above the troubles of every day.    I think horses saved my life. They asked nothing of me. I went to them and gave them love and watched life return to their eyes. I sang to them and brushed  them and when I rode them I was close to heaven.  Playing the piano for others to enjoy. Participating in their experience.  Giving … Where’s my relevance?  My children grew up, people hurt me, I can’t sing be

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve heard every reason I “should” do or be something. Haven’t you? You know, you should take care of yourself …why? You might get sick.  You should be a kind person … why? So you don’t hurt others.  Don’t stand in front of the microwave. Why? You could get cancer.  Here’s one… always trust God. Why? Because your soul is at stake.  Hmmm Do you notice one thing about all of these reasons? Protection.  The reason I live a healthy life is to protect myself, the reason I’m kind is to protect others . The reason I trust God is because He could come at any moment and send me to hell if he doesn’t like what I’m doing? Let’s look at that last phrase. Keywords”trust” “fear”, “I’m”. They don’t make sense.  I trust because I’m afraid and the outcome relies solely on me.   That can’t be the reason.  Are there any deep thinkers out there that can give me a “reason” that does not include fear , or my choices ?  Let’s talk.  I’ll wait.  

  Have you ever said these words: “if you could just understand ?”  I’m sure we’ve all said “I understand “ to people going through things we can not comprehend.  It’s our way of pouring out sympathy or trying to emphasize with someone we care about   Don’t stop saying it   But look at it another way. There have been times in my life that have been hard for me to understand. I used to hear this in church “God puts you through things to help you empathize (or minister) to someone else”   To tell you the truth, that always confused me.  I thought they were telling me that God did terrible things to me so I could relate to someone else. I interpreted that as “God so loved the world that they are more important to Him than I am.” Have those thoughts ever crossed your mind or am I the only one?  If He puts me through difficult things for the sake of someone else, how does that help them? This part is going to get very real    Does God want me to experience rape so I can help a victim? What

I could also entitle this "look in the last place first."  This is a tragic story about lost things.  I have more treasures in the "better  place" than I can imagine.  Oh it starts out well enough. "I'm not going to put it in the ordinary place. I' going to put it in  the "better" place.  It sound so magical. It makes perfect sense to you at the moment,  but it's a trap! I had to pray tonight, not because I was doing a religious exercise (I'm allergic).  Nope, it was far deeper than that. 🙄.  I put something important in a "better place" and I had to ask Jesus to "please" help me find it.  It sound so spiritual. "Jesus, I put things in a "better place". Do you know where that is?" Then scriptural references that I won't post links to came to mind. "I have prepared a better place for you." My response, "Then where is it?" "Don't put  your treasure in earthen vesse

   The nation of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years.  The disobedience of their forefathers put this burden on them.  I’ve often heard that God will “ send you around the mountain again” if you don’t learn your lesson the first time.  Excuse me, but that’s crap. We are human beings that keep working on something until we’re satisfied with the outcome or we are desperate for change.  God has better things to do than to monitor my learning process. He leads me, but he doesn’t make me feel stupid if I don’t “get it” the first time.   If you were a teacher , a good teacher. You’d develop patience and you’d try every way possible to communicate with your student.   That was free.  Anyway, I’ve been thinking about the children of promise that were born during those 40 years. Their ancestors lived with God directly leading them through dry land where water was, fresh water from a stone… He was a patient teacher and showed them over and over again who he was (is). The desert generation

I hope you’ll read this to the end because it’s taken me a lifetime to write.  Dead things can destroy your life. I’m going to write this like a parable.  Here’s my parable: There was a farmer that planted a beautiful fruit tree. He watered and fed it and expected it to grow. The problem was that one branch kept dying.  He would nurture it and it would grow a bud and he just knew it would live. But it would fall off and die. The farmer neglected the rest of the tree trying to save that one branch. The branch would bud, then the bud would fall off and die.  The man was very frustrated and said to himself “ why does this branch keep dying?” “I’m doing everything right, I get hopeful then that bud falls at my feet and dies.” The rest of the tree became sick. It was giving its strength to breathe life into the dead branch. The tree would breathe, a bloom would appear, but the tree didn’t have what it needed to sustain the dead limb.  The farmer called a professional out to look at his sick

  My new web site is www.barjeana.com. This is my jewelry label. Yeah! Do you know what's funny to me about this? I have searched and searched for an unusual name....?? Duh! I'll share some pictures from the pre published site, but right now I want to talk to you about the process.. I like to say that I haunt the isles of clothing shops and or hobby stores. I look at each piece over and over again until I see "it".  This set used to be a "gawdy" pair of earrings. No, really. I  loved the colors, but the style was "unimaginable" to me. I took this piece apart and made two necklaces and a set of earrings.  These aren't professional pictures (duh) nor are they the finished products, but you get the idea. All of these pieces together were one and a half earrings. Recently I took very pretty earrings that hurt my ears and changed them into necklaces. I don't have a before picture of either, but here's that after of one of the necklaces. Most

  Daughter of my daughter.   I’m a born writer.  My mother said that if she’d put a pen in the bathroom I’d write a song on it.   When my daughter was old enough I had to hide pens.  Not because she wrote words… no. She drew pictures.  Her heart was so full of vision that no surface was untouchable by her artistic hand.  Now you see the perpetuity of the artistic flare.  My baby drew on her baby; it’s beautiful and so is she.