I was born in the desert

-

  

The nation of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years.  The disobedience of their forefathers put this burden on them.  I’ve often heard that God will “ send you around the mountain again” if you don’t learn your lesson the first time.  Excuse me, but that’s crap.

We are human beings that keep working on something until we’re satisfied with the outcome or we are desperate for change.  God has better things to do than to monitor my learning process. He leads me, but he doesn’t make me feel stupid if I don’t “get it” the first time.  

If you were a teacher , a good teacher. You’d develop patience and you’d try every way possible to communicate with your student.  

That was free.  Anyway, I’ve been thinking about the children of promise that were born during those 40 years. Their ancestors lived with God directly leading them through dry land where water was, fresh water from a stone… He was a patient teacher and showed them over and over again who he was (is). The desert generation heard about all of the miracles.  They heard about the cloud by day and fire by night. They didn’t see the crossing of the river on dry ground. 

When it was time to go into the land that God gave them, they were strong and ready. 

I’ve seen videos of Catherine Coolman, I’ve seen  films of revivals through Billy Graham.  But I was not present when these miracles happened; I was born in the desert. I’m 59 now and I have asked God for freedom in my body. I’ve survived a lot of horrible events that would have killed most people , but I haven’t seen what the generation before me saw. 

What do I do? Do I believe in God when I haven’t seen his miracles? How can I look at my life and say that I’m blessed.  

Yes. Good things have happened. Yes, I’ve grown as a person. Yes I’ve been delivered of emotions crippling barriers in my life. But I haven’t experienced the promised land I’ve been told about. 

I believe that Jesus Christ died and rose again. I believe He is my Savior , but my desert experience has been hard . I hold onto the promise of a land of my own. I dream of a better life  But I’m not seeing what I expected. 

Maybe that’s the problem,  I was provided for in the desert, then I was told to fight for what I was promised. 

I think the generation before me was very good at expecting miracles, but I don’t feel like they prepared me for the fight. 

Preparing for a promise and preparing for a fight are two very different methods of training. 

I’m a fighter. God himself put that in me. But I have to tell you that I’m tired. I’ve been moved so many times, from different cities and states that I don’t know where home is.  Just like Israel I’ve wondered in the desert hearing stories about a promised land. 

Maybe this is too honest. 8 don’t know. But it’s not grumbling and complaining. I’m seeking His rest.

I’ve survived snd I’ve coped.  But I have to tell you that needing oxygen 24 hours a day and having a knee that collapsed for no reason at all are not my promised land and I can’t pretend that  it is. I’ve learned to cope.  That’s not what I seek. I seek the Lord and Bis mercy.  I seek his hand to heal my body and renew my youth like the eagles. But I’m still waiting in the desert. 

I have a vision of what will be.  but I have t seen it yet . If you’re a child of the desert too. I’m guessing you’re tired of hearing that God is great and you’re ready for that promised land. 

Are we in the process of learning to fight? Are we being t trained for a brighter future? I hope so.  Hearing a machinr pump oxygen into my lungs 24 hours a day and dealing with an oxygen tank are not blessings. People are so crazy . They say “well at least you can breath” I’m Supposed to be grateful for that? I have friends with MS, should they be grateful that they have to fight every day?

It’s time that we were told the truth.  Everything is not roses and sunshine.  Life is hard.  I don’t know what the promised land looks like.  I get discouraged. I get angry. I get tired, but I hold onto hope of a place prepared for me where the struggling will end.  

If you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders right  now, take a deep breath. The desert will either make or break you, but losing hope will kill you.  

So, what’s the answer? I have no idea, I was born in the desert. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I believe I can fly, but I’d rather not

-
Image
  https://youtu.be/_6y5bgrKhLI?si=okhqwhA-CR5EyA80 I love this song.  I believe I can fly, but I’d rather not.  Have you ever dreamt that you were flying? Did you try to fly when you were a child? Did you jump off a roof (I don’t recommend it) to see if you could fly?  Me too! Let me tell you about one of the times and hopefully the last time I flew.  It was a sunny day and all was well. I had a job as a tram driver. I was so excited!  I’m limited to what I can do when it comes to working. This seemed like the perfect job for me. I'd drive a truck pulling a tram in circles.   The venue I was working for had a concert that night. I was thrilled. I’d be doing something I enjoyed.  Plus I’d get to hear the concert. I had already made a couple of friends, so I was feeling really good.  The employee parking lot wasn’t finished yet. The venue was a work in progress. I was asked to take a golf cart down a hill and bring employees up the hill. It sounded like fun.  I was cruising down the
Read more

Anxiety and Seeds

-
Image
Anxiety and seeds ; what does one have to do with the other ? I watched Elevation Church online today. Pastor Furdick talked about seeds and shoes.  Hmmm.  He buried a seed in a pot. When he buried the seed no one gasped , nor did it seem odd. He poured dirt on the seed and again, no one cared. Seeds are supposed to be in dirt. When you’re a seed the dirt is part of the process. Then he took off his white tennis shoes. He started to put them in the same dirt. People yelled, “don’t do it!” Why? Shoes are not made to be inside the dirt.  Shoes are made to walk on the dirt. Seeds are a doing inward work. Shoes are for the outward appearance .  Shoes don’t work without feet.  Seeds don’t work without dirt. Anxiety is often an outward manifestation of an inward experience. Anxiety is something most people bury .  When anxiety builds without purpose  , it produces pain. Elevation talked about what happens when we are under pressure, it hurts.  The dirt puts pressure on the seed. Dirt devalue
Read more

He’s just having a bad day

-
Image
Have you or someone near to you been physically, mentally or emotionally abused? Growing up and marrying an emotional abuser can skew a persons ability to comprehend that they are being abused. While growing up, I had the impression that I was the reason my father failed in ministry. The concept was “if you weren’t born we would have traveled and had a great ministry.” Nobody knows where I got this idea from, but it was firmly planted in my mind.  The abuser changed tactics as I grew older. When he was having a “bad” day, it was my fault. I was literally told “he only acts like that when you’re around.” So, I stayed away from him as much as possible to keep him from blowing up or acting hateful. I assumed that it was my fault. The root of abuse is the need for power.   Abusers , all abusers, are thirsty for power. There are no exceptions.  During my childhood the abuser would be very kind, then funny, then cruel. People didn't or didn't want to see the cruel side. As a child I
Read more