I guess I’m just naive

 Have you ever believed something for so long that you didn’t even consider another option? 

I’ve heard and even sung about “ seeking”. You know , “seek and you shall find.” It sounded so simple.  I envisioned myself knocking on doors in a room full of doors until I found the right one.  

I’ve given that a lot more thought lately. 

I was looking back at patterns in my life. Someone would give me a solution to a problem and in my heart I’d say “that’s not it” and move on. 

I think I’ve gotten better at moving on when the door isn’t the one I need. 

For the longest time I’d go to one door and knock and knock and even though I was getting undesirable answers I kept returning.

Let me take you back to my bout with cancer.  I knew something was wrong. I went to the Dr and he gave me antacids and told me I was fine. I went back to him and told him I was in a lot of pain and he said “cancer doesn’t hurt “. I went back again because I couldn’t sit up by myself and my stomach looked like I was nine months pregnant.

Finally, after much frustration on the Drs side he sent me to a gallbladder surgeon. The surgeon performed an emergency gallbladder removal and when I came out of anesthesia he brought me a picture of an unknown substance he found in my abdomen. 

He sent samples to pathologists around the world and it was indeed cancer. I was given six months to live. That was 20 years ago.  

My point is that I had no idea how to find or knock on other doors. I just kept knocking on the same door getting negative results. I do thank God that he led me to a team of surgeons that risked everything to save my life. 

I see that adventure like the widow in the Bible that went to the unjust judge and finally got the response she needed because she wouldn’t let it go. 

I’ve had several opportunities to revisit “seeking”. Two years ago I was told I’d be on oxygen for the rest of my life.  I went to two different pulmonologists that simply agreed with that diagnosis. 

A few months ago the ambulance came because I couldn’t breathe and felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. Guess what the ambulance workers suggested? “ why don’t we give you some heartburn medication and see if you feel better “. I told them that I could not swallow.  I told them to take me to the emergency room.  

That’s an example of seeking. See, their solution “could” have made sense, but my heart knew it wasn’t. .

I got to the ER and they did a scan and found two embolisms in my lungs. They rushed me to a larger hospital where they treated the embolisms and found that my esophagus was nearly closed. 

While I was there a pulmonologist came and looked at my records and asked me why I was on oxygen. I told him what I’d been told and he said that I did not have lung failure. The embolisms were causing my lungs to work too hard to sustain normal oxygen. So, there was another door. 

That door lead to a pulmonologist that told me I should be off the oxygen by Christmas. The embolisms have shrunk , it’s August and I have only needed oxygen occasionally.

Seek and you shall find.  It’s work! My requirement to seek was to follow my heart, not accept answers that made no sense and find the dr that had the answer I needed. The seeking process took almost two years . However my outcome looks very positive.

Please listen to the voice in your heart that says “wrong door”. I didn’t find a convenient answer or the one I thought I’d find .,, I found the answer that had the solution.  It’s not magic. I have to participate in shrinking the embolisms and I have to work my body harder. But, I found the door with hope ! 

Hope does amazing things. Hold onto hope and seek until you find.