He left no bruises

 

This is a difficult subject for most people to relate to.  Most abusers leave a physical mark on their victims.  Usually it’s somewhere out of immediate sight , but it’s there. 

The person who is physically abused has the ability to show their pain. They are trained not to tell and they rarely do.  It doesn’t usually end well. 

What I’m about to say may make some people angry. But it needs to be said.  I’ve met countless women who have suffered mental and emotional abuse , they tried to tell someone, but there were no visible scars.  No black eye. No broken ribs, But the pain was just as real. 

The difference is staggering. The physically abused woman heals, her abuser promises not to do it again, then he does   The pattern repeats itself  . I hope all hurting women get help  .

The verbally, emotionally or even spiritually abused woman goes to counseling and is often dismissed .  There is no “evidence”  . I have one friend whose counselor told her her husband was too good for her.  This pillar of the church couldn’t possibly be cruel or an abuser.    I hate to say this, but that woman took her own life   

I’ve heard other women say that their husbands were confronted with the abuse and simply put on the face of perfection until they got to the car.

I wrote a blog about the three men some women marry.  The man in public is respected, his colleagues envy him, then he gets away from the public eye and the monster comes out  

The abuse takes different shapes and sizes  usually the children of these women believe their mother is crazy, irrational or even deserves the absurd behavior. Other children never see the abuse   There’s no yelling, no bruises, no “evidence”  .  If she dares to step forward she is lambasted as being the real problem.

One woman told me that her mother told her she should lock her husband away from other women because he was so wonderful. It took her years of therapy and accusations to get help   That help cost her everything.  The children never saw it, her friends never saw it, the public never saw it.

If she confided in some trusting soul the response was usually “oh you know he didn’t mean it that way!” She was dismissed.  Left alone to the pain and madness stirring in her soul because she believed every one else was right and she was irrational and overly sensitive .  If only they could see her soul they would never say those things .

Is it a crime for a man to beat his wife? Yes  is it a crime for a man to berate his wife  pulverize her self esteem, let her believe she’s making it all up as she cries her silent tears? Sadly, no   

Please listen to the people in your life   Try to see what they see.  Listen to hear what they hear and most of all do not judge their rationality just because …there are no bruises.