Which side of the stone are you on?

 

An odd title, right?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my relationship with Christ lately.

During my contemplation I got a picture in my mind. I hope you can see it as clearly as I did. 

I imagined myself in the tomb of Jesus, after the stone was rolled away.  Meaning, that I recognize the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ and I have a very personal relationship with Jesus.  But...I was still inside the tomb waiting for him to come back. It was safe there but it was lonely.

I was (am) born again, but I’m standing on the wrong side of the stone.

The opposite side of that stone is frightening. There are people there, expectations, responsibility and relationships.

I’ve heard these words so many times  “Jesus is enough”.  I’ve written several blogs about my version of those words. However this picture clarified my thinking about the importance of relationships. 

After the cross and resurrection, before he ascended to Heaven, he did not say “ ok  you all (y'all for the southern folk) wait right here until I get back.”

He did say to wait for the Holy Spirit, but there was a purpose  He laid out their purpose by telling them to go make disciples.  In other words they had to go beyond the resurrection to a place of fellowship with those around them  They were given purpose.

On the safe side of the stone a person can have a real relationship with Jesus, but where is the purpose?  You can't lay hands on the sick, or cast out devils or raise the dead or teach someone about Christ if you're still sitting where his victory took place.

This has blown my mind. You mean it's not okay to stay at a place of victory? The place where Jesus Christ defeated death, hell and the grave? No, it isn't.

I've felt this in my heart for a very long time, but have asked the question, "How do I get out from behind this stone and what do I do?" Make disciples? Sounds easy, but How? I don't know anyone?

I've taken steps to "know people" previously and been devastated, haven't you? It's not safe! 

Recently I walked out of my comfort zone to start a small group studying "Relationship Building." It's one of the hardest things I've ever done. Give me room full of people and ask me to sing or teach them and I'm okay with that. Walk me into a relationship with flawed individuals (such as myself) and I wimp out. 

The only word I can use to describe my feelings about relationships is: Terror! There are so many "what if's" . " What if they betray me?" the answer...some people will. "What if I get hurt?" Well, given the fact that we  live on a flawed earth with flawed people, I'm pretty sure that will happen too.

You've heard me say that Jesus had twelve disciples and 3 of them were his friends. He loved them all, but when it mattered, when he was raising Lazarus, when he went into the battle of his life in the Garden of Gethsemane? He took three trusted friends, not perfect friends, but trusted friends. They didn't even follow his instructions to stay awake and pray, but he didn't love them any less, nor did he take their presence lightly. When it mattered the most, those three men were with Jesus.

As I stated, I started this group on "Relationship Goals". Without going into needless detail, there have been times of friction when I've wanted to run and go back behind the stone. However, I'm learning how to respond to people who are different than me and it's exhilarating. It's also terrifying.

I literally went up to someone and said, " I am so tired of coming to church. Nobody knows I was here, nobody knows I left." That really described the reason for starting this group. I started this group out of my need, in faith that there were more people like me that needed to be remembered, recognized, celebrated and even missed. In this "BIG CHURCH" world it's so easy to go in and go out and not speak to anyone. Now, I consider myself friendly, but I didn't know who to be friendly to. It's hard. Not everybody wants to be friends. It sucks.

As my heart cried out for relationship my main question was "Where do I find people to have relationships with?" I wasn't going to a bar or a singles club, that's not in my comfort zone. I wouldn't find relationships there. I tried at church, but everybody smiled, walked past me and kept going. Now that it's #theworld with the virus it's been much worse. People seem to be afraid to touch each other, breathe on each other, get close to each other so most default to the "ignore each other" safety zone. It's lonely.

Today I had confirmation that my heart was not crying out for relationship all by itself. A friend and I started this group study on relationships. It's Bible based with common sense. Uh oh. You see, Proverbs is full of wisdom and when desiring relationships we lack some of that wisdom. Relationships do not equal sameness.

It's easy to get along with someone who is similar to you. It's hard to find a treasure in someone who thinks differently, acts differently and has a different past than you do. What do you look for? Where do you look? It's easy for people to say, "just put yourself out there". My question was "put myself out where?" Location is very important in developing relationships.

One wise pastor looked me straight in the eye and said, "Start a group!" My response was, "with who? I don't know anyone?" Guess what....she introduced me to two women who were searching just like me. They had strengths where I had weaknesses and even though it wasn’t been easy, it was rewarding. We went to lunch and "tada" a group on relationships was born. It sounds so easy. NOT!

But instead of pushing someone aside because they disagree with me I have learned to listen to understand, not listen to be understood. I have learned to speak up if I misunderstand something. I'm with a group of women who give me permission to misunderstand them without judgement. It is so hard to walk with someone when you carry a sense of fear of being misunderstood or misunderstanding without the freedom to question the situation. It's equally terrifying to be misunderstood, then misunderstand and question the people you are with. What if they reject me? I'm sorry, but that happens every day. People reject each other all the time.

This group has taught me how to fight for a relationship. To look for common goals, never to judge motives that I can not understand. I have freedom to misunderstand and be misunderstood....It's amazing. There have been rough times as we've all learned that we "hear" things differently. My life is very different from most of the women I interact with. Most of these women  have lived in the area longer than I have and can't really understand the "disconnect" I feel after moving every five years for most of my life. 

It's difficult being on this side of the stone of resurrection. I'm now vulnerable, that alone is terrifying. "What if they see my imperfections?" Um....let me tell you this, "they will".  Here's the real question...  "What will I do when they see my imperfections?" Will I run from my imperfections or own them and develop a relationship beyond those imperfections? Remember that nobody, except Jesus Christ is perfect. Allow people to be imperfect. Set them free!

Out of this study something wonderful has happened. There is a group of women who would have entered and left the church without anyone seeing them that now have people see them and miss them when they aren't there.  Even today one beautiful lady was sitting by herself. One of the women boldly asked her to "come sit with us." She did. After the service I talked to her about feeling lonely in a crowded room. Guess what? She said she'd been praying about that very thing and wondering where and how to find relationships. Hmmm. Are we the same? Nope, none of us are the same. Matter of fact the greatest gift we can give each other is the freedom to be different and the courage to ask for clarification. I can say "this is what you said," "This is what I heard." "Am I correct?" Usually I am not correct. I have interpreted what they said according to what I've heard before and what I think they mean. It's like translating a whole other language. Well, it is translating another language. 

Let me ask you to risk being misunderstood and misunderstanding. We are a church of lonely individuals and this should not be. I am not condemning the church I am admonishing the church...we are a group of individuals that need each other. I can't follow Christ by myself. No, I really can't. I need someone to walk with me. Have we forgotten to walk with each other? I'm afraid so.

My argument for relationships goes like this...."If God was enough, why did he create Adam?" "If Adam and God were enough, why did he create Eve?" "If God, Adam and Eve were enough why did he tell them to be fruitful and multiply?" Because he's relationship oriented. He never asked us to walk alone. The Messiah didn't walk alone. Even when he went to the cross and he was rejected by his friends, someone came along and helped him carry that cross....sacrificial relationship.

Let me clarify, I am not talking about abusive relationships. The words abuse and relationship do not mix.

Please join me in walking this out. Ask Him "Where are the people that need what I need?" "How do I reach them?" Then say, "I am willing to be uncomfortable." Get on the other side of the stone...there's fresh air there...