Dear PK's of all ages
Dear Pastors' Kids,
Due to circumstances beyond my control I have lived a life of invisibility. It's weird isn't it? I grew up believing that "People are watching me". "I must be an example" only to wish I were invisible. So, what did I do? I became invisible.
This has been a very long journey, but somebody needs to hear this. I needed to hear this. You know the old saying that everyone has new shoes except for the shoe makers children? It's true of so many career babies.
We are loved, we are important but what our parents did/do came/comes before us. They loved people with all of their hearts. Don't get me wrong, But there must be a balance. What do I mean by that?
I've seen it happen more often in the church world of recent times. I've seen Preacher's put their families first. Isn't that wrong? No, it's absolutely correct. Church people leave and go home, preachers meet their need, they give them good information and encouragement and pray doe them, but then those very same people go home.
My heart is to address what does not happen in most homes.This is true of a comedian, an actress/actor, anyone in the public eye. The parents are swamped with people's needs, whether it be for entertainment or healing of the soul. There is a platform where they do their work.
Home is where they are real. Aren't pastors supposed to be the same personality in the pulpit as out? I hope not. Do you want your Dad preaching to you every night and ....taking up offerings...? That's not the problem. The problem has been with character.
Comedian's battle this problem. They are so busy being funny at "work" that when they come home their "funny" storage is empty. I think about Robin Williams....what an excellent man. I wonder if he struggled with the issue of "after"...
After preachers are done preaching they have to deal with their own families needs, they have to mow the lawn, they have to grocery shop, it's not fun. Nobody is applauding them; there is no entertainment value...it's work.
Many people suffer from the "coming down" part of these jobs. When they come down from the stage, platform or pulpit the crowd has gone home and it's quiet and there is no more applauses. How do you leave a room that is "full of you" and "your gifts" to go home to a "normal" life?
The words, "people are watching you. You need to be an example" are the words that turn most PK's and people that live in the public eye deal with. "What do you do after the applause?" How do you translate yourself back into a human being? How do you handle being alone after hearing the roar of the crowd?
I'm just now beginning to understand, therefore I am writing this blog.
My journey started out with a simple thing. I wanted to go on a vacation, but I couldn't afford to go to the beach. I'm landlocked and it's hard sometimes. Instead of "wishing" I could go I decided to try something different. "What can I do that's right in front of me?"
I went to "Hobby Lobby" and bought some sketch pads, some proper pencils and looked for a place to just be. I ended up at "Bass Pro" They have a lake on their property. People can fish there. It's beautiful. I didn't know about it, but when I went to find out how to draw a wonderful person told me about it, as well as gave me instructions on how to draw what I wanted and what kind of products I needed to get started. I look at that as God taking care of me. He loves me.
I've spent my life "doing for others", knowing that "people are watching" and I literally didn't know how to just "be." I thought I had to "do" something for others to be worth something to others. I hope you wrote that down. It's the key ingredient to life in the fishbowl.
Next step, I looked at my fingernails and toe nails and after I finished screaming (ha!) I found a nail salon. It was perfect. They even had Coke as a refreshing drink! Who knew? I chose a color that caught my eye. It doesn't match anything it's just pretty. Then I went to find horses. I've been praying "Lord, I need some horses in my life!" I've lived here almost two years and hadn't found a place to just talk to horses, ride or take lessons. Horses have been a tool for God to use to heal my soul. Two years, no horses.
I looked up horse ranches and lessons and finally found a ranch not to far from the nail place. There was a lock on the door and you had to have a passcode to get in. I was beside myself. I could see these beautiful creatures but I couldn't touch them.
Someone let me in and I just walked the property talking to the horses. I have been trained so I tested the temperament of the horses I decided to touch. If you don't know how, don't touch a horse that is not yours. please don't. I went to them gently and spoke to them softly. If they wanted to talk, they came closer. I offered my flat hand to show them I had nothing to give them nor did I want anything from them.
I wish I had pictures. Almost all of them came directly to me and let me touch their noses or faces and they could feel the love I had for them. It's a real spiritual connection for me. Imagine God caring about that?
I wrote a letter to a friend and it truly shook me. I said, "I never knew me. When you live your life to be an example or a testimony or to meet the needs of others... you don't know how to be you when you're alone. You don't know how to meet your own needs." It's almost like I was living in a holding pattern waiting for someone to come and do for me what my parents did for other people. "Touch their souls".
As I stated before, people in the public eye often do not see what's in front of them. They try, but their vision is so clouded with the needs of the people that they often do not see the needs of themselves or their families.
So, I've decided to get to know me. How selfish does that sound? It isn't. It's real. I've tried so hard to meet the needs of people around me; I've made hats for cancer patients, teddy bears for sick children, blankets for the elderly and even blankets for care packages, but when the time came to deliver those items, I left them there, closed the door and I was still with me. I wouldn't take back one item that I spent my time giving, but what I want to do is to pay more attention to me.
Dear parents of those in ministry or in the public eye...your kids need to go to the zoo with you by themselves. Please don't invite church members or others. They need time alone with you. Please do not invite people to live with you for an extended amount of time. Families need a "time" in a safe place and that has to be what home is for them; a safe place.
Isn't that going against what Christ said, in denying yourself? Nope. He did not say to deny your children and follow me. He said to deny yourself and follow me. So, sometimes I had to deny myself the applause to follow Him. Sometimes I had to avoid the crowds to follow Him. To follow him where? In my own home, in my own mind, in my own life with my own family.
I'd like to apologize to all the children of all ages that have had to endure watching people take so much from their parents that there is nothing left for you. Now that I'm an adult (sort of)....I'm taking the time to walk with myself, holding God's hand because I am afraid. What if I do it wrong? What if I offend someone? What if I hurt someones' feeling? What if I put my "Mask on first before I help someone else put their masks on" ? as is often said on an airplane.
Preachers are notorious for dying while trying to save others. Help me make it stop.
The crowds change, people leave, but your family is always with you, at least until they aren't anymore. I hope my children feel loved by me. I hope they know they are the most important part of my life. I hope they know that I would give up, and did, anything so they could have what they needed. I'm sure I messed up sometimes. I hope they can forgive me.
I don't want to be a person of good character in front of others if I can't be of good character when I'm alone with my family. Not preachy, not needing attention, simply being a mother or a father or a grandparent. Laugh, go swimming, live.... life is not an intermission between shows.
If you save the world and lose your own soul (or your family) what have you gained? Look it up. It's the truth.
So, today I got my nails done, I talked to some horses, I'm going to eat a hotdog and chips and draw and take a nap and nobody is watching. You see, we often forget that the most important things we do happen when nobody is watching. So, I ask you to live as if nobody is watching and find ways to take care of yourself, not in selfishness or in disregard . Nurture yourself and your children. If we nurture our families they will be an example when nobody is watching.
Make a difference by making a difference at home, the rest will come.
Due to circumstances beyond my control I have lived a life of invisibility. It's weird isn't it? I grew up believing that "People are watching me". "I must be an example" only to wish I were invisible. So, what did I do? I became invisible.
This has been a very long journey, but somebody needs to hear this. I needed to hear this. You know the old saying that everyone has new shoes except for the shoe makers children? It's true of so many career babies.
We are loved, we are important but what our parents did/do came/comes before us. They loved people with all of their hearts. Don't get me wrong, But there must be a balance. What do I mean by that?
I've seen it happen more often in the church world of recent times. I've seen Preacher's put their families first. Isn't that wrong? No, it's absolutely correct. Church people leave and go home, preachers meet their need, they give them good information and encouragement and pray doe them, but then those very same people go home.
My heart is to address what does not happen in most homes.This is true of a comedian, an actress/actor, anyone in the public eye. The parents are swamped with people's needs, whether it be for entertainment or healing of the soul. There is a platform where they do their work.
Home is where they are real. Aren't pastors supposed to be the same personality in the pulpit as out? I hope not. Do you want your Dad preaching to you every night and ....taking up offerings...? That's not the problem. The problem has been with character.
Comedian's battle this problem. They are so busy being funny at "work" that when they come home their "funny" storage is empty. I think about Robin Williams....what an excellent man. I wonder if he struggled with the issue of "after"...
After preachers are done preaching they have to deal with their own families needs, they have to mow the lawn, they have to grocery shop, it's not fun. Nobody is applauding them; there is no entertainment value...it's work.
Many people suffer from the "coming down" part of these jobs. When they come down from the stage, platform or pulpit the crowd has gone home and it's quiet and there is no more applauses. How do you leave a room that is "full of you" and "your gifts" to go home to a "normal" life?
The words, "people are watching you. You need to be an example" are the words that turn most PK's and people that live in the public eye deal with. "What do you do after the applause?" How do you translate yourself back into a human being? How do you handle being alone after hearing the roar of the crowd?
I'm just now beginning to understand, therefore I am writing this blog.
My journey started out with a simple thing. I wanted to go on a vacation, but I couldn't afford to go to the beach. I'm landlocked and it's hard sometimes. Instead of "wishing" I could go I decided to try something different. "What can I do that's right in front of me?"
I went to "Hobby Lobby" and bought some sketch pads, some proper pencils and looked for a place to just be. I ended up at "Bass Pro" They have a lake on their property. People can fish there. It's beautiful. I didn't know about it, but when I went to find out how to draw a wonderful person told me about it, as well as gave me instructions on how to draw what I wanted and what kind of products I needed to get started. I look at that as God taking care of me. He loves me.
I've spent my life "doing for others", knowing that "people are watching" and I literally didn't know how to just "be." I thought I had to "do" something for others to be worth something to others. I hope you wrote that down. It's the key ingredient to life in the fishbowl.
Next step, I looked at my fingernails and toe nails and after I finished screaming (ha!) I found a nail salon. It was perfect. They even had Coke as a refreshing drink! Who knew? I chose a color that caught my eye. It doesn't match anything it's just pretty. Then I went to find horses. I've been praying "Lord, I need some horses in my life!" I've lived here almost two years and hadn't found a place to just talk to horses, ride or take lessons. Horses have been a tool for God to use to heal my soul. Two years, no horses.
I looked up horse ranches and lessons and finally found a ranch not to far from the nail place. There was a lock on the door and you had to have a passcode to get in. I was beside myself. I could see these beautiful creatures but I couldn't touch them.
Someone let me in and I just walked the property talking to the horses. I have been trained so I tested the temperament of the horses I decided to touch. If you don't know how, don't touch a horse that is not yours. please don't. I went to them gently and spoke to them softly. If they wanted to talk, they came closer. I offered my flat hand to show them I had nothing to give them nor did I want anything from them.
I wish I had pictures. Almost all of them came directly to me and let me touch their noses or faces and they could feel the love I had for them. It's a real spiritual connection for me. Imagine God caring about that?
I wrote a letter to a friend and it truly shook me. I said, "I never knew me. When you live your life to be an example or a testimony or to meet the needs of others... you don't know how to be you when you're alone. You don't know how to meet your own needs." It's almost like I was living in a holding pattern waiting for someone to come and do for me what my parents did for other people. "Touch their souls".
As I stated before, people in the public eye often do not see what's in front of them. They try, but their vision is so clouded with the needs of the people that they often do not see the needs of themselves or their families.
So, I've decided to get to know me. How selfish does that sound? It isn't. It's real. I've tried so hard to meet the needs of people around me; I've made hats for cancer patients, teddy bears for sick children, blankets for the elderly and even blankets for care packages, but when the time came to deliver those items, I left them there, closed the door and I was still with me. I wouldn't take back one item that I spent my time giving, but what I want to do is to pay more attention to me.
Dear parents of those in ministry or in the public eye...your kids need to go to the zoo with you by themselves. Please don't invite church members or others. They need time alone with you. Please do not invite people to live with you for an extended amount of time. Families need a "time" in a safe place and that has to be what home is for them; a safe place.
Isn't that going against what Christ said, in denying yourself? Nope. He did not say to deny your children and follow me. He said to deny yourself and follow me. So, sometimes I had to deny myself the applause to follow Him. Sometimes I had to avoid the crowds to follow Him. To follow him where? In my own home, in my own mind, in my own life with my own family.
I'd like to apologize to all the children of all ages that have had to endure watching people take so much from their parents that there is nothing left for you. Now that I'm an adult (sort of)....I'm taking the time to walk with myself, holding God's hand because I am afraid. What if I do it wrong? What if I offend someone? What if I hurt someones' feeling? What if I put my "Mask on first before I help someone else put their masks on" ? as is often said on an airplane.
Preachers are notorious for dying while trying to save others. Help me make it stop.
The crowds change, people leave, but your family is always with you, at least until they aren't anymore. I hope my children feel loved by me. I hope they know they are the most important part of my life. I hope they know that I would give up, and did, anything so they could have what they needed. I'm sure I messed up sometimes. I hope they can forgive me.
I don't want to be a person of good character in front of others if I can't be of good character when I'm alone with my family. Not preachy, not needing attention, simply being a mother or a father or a grandparent. Laugh, go swimming, live.... life is not an intermission between shows.
If you save the world and lose your own soul (or your family) what have you gained? Look it up. It's the truth.
So, today I got my nails done, I talked to some horses, I'm going to eat a hotdog and chips and draw and take a nap and nobody is watching. You see, we often forget that the most important things we do happen when nobody is watching. So, I ask you to live as if nobody is watching and find ways to take care of yourself, not in selfishness or in disregard . Nurture yourself and your children. If we nurture our families they will be an example when nobody is watching.
Make a difference by making a difference at home, the rest will come.
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