Online Dating Scams ALERT!
I was going to call this edition "Red flags", but I am giving you so much more information than a "warning " flag could convey.
Let's talk about online dating scam pattern. As with any scam there is a pattern of behavior. I have experienced these repeatedly.
Step 1) question... "How long have you been on this site?" This question is to see how gullible you are and to see if you have been scammed before. It is a test to see if you qualify and even to see how desperate you are to find a suitable companion.
If you answer "I am new to this site", then all bets are off. Well, what if you are new to the site. You don't have to tell strangers anything. That's a very important rule to apply to anything done online or even in person. Let's call it the "I do not know you" rule.
Step 2) "You are the most beautiful woman/handsome man, I've ever seen." Followed by "Where are you from?" Okay, let's get real. Even if you are the most handsome or beautiful person they have ever seen...wouldn't you already know that. Lol! This comment is to build your confidence. If you are a very meek person and lonely, this is like water to a thirsting person. This tests your NEED to be wanted. If you reply with "Thank you so much" or some other open ended remark leaving them to further delve into your need for a relationship they perceive that they have a door into your soul
You see, dating scams are not just scamming to get your money, they can't possible get your money if they don't get your soul. Sounds spiritual because it is. Where your heart goes.... So let's go on to step 3. Step two usually lasts about a week of continual conversation. They randomly send you thoughtful messages about how attractive you are and how they can't live without you.
Step 3) "I have to go out of the country for work. I'll keep talking to you while I'm gone." This is a trap. If they have accessed your emotions they are now looking to plot a fake tragedy that only you can help them escape from.
Oh, before I go on. Let's talk about profiles. Now, there are real people out in the dating world that have lost a loved one or are newly divorced , but these people thrive on tragedy. For example one scammer told me about the love of his life and that he never thought he'd feel that way again until he met me. "HELLO! You do not know me.. You saw a picture of me." Reality checks are very important.
Step 4) "I have an emergency. I am out of the country and my boss has left me here. I need your help. Can you send money?" Here's the kicker on that one...."If you give me your account number I'll pay you back." Really? Now I am not kidding, this has worked on many, many, many individuals. We all want to help out someone we feel a connection to. It's human nature. So, I posed this question, "So, you just met me, we've never seen each other. You're in a foreign country where you've been abandoned and I (who you just met) am the only living soul on this planet that can help you?" NO!!! RUN!
If they are truly with a community of workers their boss will not leave them. If they are older than two years old, you can not possibly be the only person to save them. They are counting on you having what is called a "Savior Complex". They have set themselves up to be the victim and you are the hero.
Ask yourself this question, "Does this make any sense?" Unfortunately these people know how to work your emotions. If they can get you to "feel" like they really care about you and you've just experienced a horrible divorce or even a death of a mate....you are vulnerable. This is what they are looking for...vulnerability.
How willing are you to accept their accolades? How flattered are you by their responses? How willing are you to drop everything and communicate with them?
Here are some very specific tests to apply to any online relationship. If they ask you where you are from...don't be specific. Ask them where they are from. I had one con artist tell me that he was "right off the gulf coast, but he was from Ohio." Oh, he also lived in France until he was 17. That was a good one. So, I replied, "are you in Texas?" Suddenly the conversation changed to broken English. "I from gulf coast." Then I said, "you are not in North America because you use broken English." To which the reply was, "I told you I live in France." Really, You lived in France, you are from Ohio but you don't know where Texas is?
Broken English is the most common "tell" of all scammers. They aren't from here so they expect you to think they are just typing too fast or are "text" typing, which usually leaves out a word here or there or they spell something incorrectly, etc. This is also to test your vulnerability.
I have learned all of these things from experience. After my divorce was final I went to some "dating" sites that were recommended by friends. I mean, it must work, there are people that do get married from these sites, right?
Rule number one. if they are not local.. they are probably not real. If you can not meet them or see pictures of them outside of who they say they are...Oh, this was a good one. This man pretended to be in the military. But he used broken English. I decided to play along. I asked him to post more pictures of himself. He did. He posted pictures of men in camouflage outfits that had their faces covered. They were all about the same height and weight so it possibly could have been the same person. If you don't see them with other people or in differing circumstances and you can not clearly identify their faces, I suggest you run.
Recently I had two "gentlemen" try to talk to me on Instagram. I have to admit that one of them was very good at his job. You do know this is no more than a job to these people? You are their source of income. Anyway, His profile picture came up. There was a picture of him with a dog and a horse in different clothes and settings. Oh, also check to see how many followers they have. This is really important. If you get a message stating that someone famous if following you. Look closely. If that "famous" person has 4 followers...they are not the famous person. If they have forty followers, they are not the famous person. These are called, "Dummy accounts". They are looking for you to follow them so they can have access to your friends and contacts all the while searching for that one person who "needs" what they have to offer.
Please hear me. These people are serious. They know exactly what to say to gain your confidence, they know exactly how long to go without speaking to you after they've spoken to you daily. This ploy is to get you thinking that you've offended them to which they will reply that they are just busy.
It's a trick to get you addicted to their attention and then to take it away. Then a crisis hits and you are their only savior. I've seen people who were so convinced of these fake relationships that they lost houses, inheritances and everything you could imagine. Why? Because someone cunning knew what to say and how to respond to a person that is feeling lonely.
I had one guy tell me that he was in England on vacation to see his grandmother. He had seemed legitimate until he pulled the "I'm going overseas" part. I told myself, "Wait for it!" Suddenly he was mugged! They stole his passport, they stole his money and his poor grandmother was in the hospital and needed to come to America., I was the "only" person that could help. I have to admit I was saddened that he "went there". I even said to him, "Oh please don't go there." To which he continued to tell me about his troubles that only I could solve.
I am not making one of these instances up. I am telling you from first hand experience. They play this game every day of every week and especially around holidays. We are all vulnerable especially during holidays when a family has been split in two and somebody who doesn't know you tells you that you are the most amazing person they've ever met. Please remind yourself of this one very important fact: You have actually never met!
After I "called one guy out" and told him that I knew he was conning me he laughed and said that my profile picture looked like a prison mug shot! Yes, that's how amazingly beautiful I was to him.
By the way, it's not a good idea to let them know that you are on to them. They will simply change tactics and try something else.
There is a web site where you can check pictures out of people whose identity (or just pictures) have been stolen and used to elicit a reaction. It's http://scamdigger.com. This site shows you pictures of real people that have had their pictures re-posted by a scammer in order to lure you into a relationship. After all, if the con artist is a Nigerian woman pretending to be a man, He/she is certainly not going to use their own picture or a picture of someone who is not the most amazing person you've ever seen. Oh, by the way, if you see my picture anywhere on this site, please tell me. I'd be flattered to know that I must look amazing enough...LOL! But still.... check it out.
Please share this with your single friends. This pattern rarely changes. It may vary from time periods or their verbiage might change but the essence and the foundation remain the same. They want your money....all of it.
Can you imagine if I'd fallen for the guy who said, he'd pay me back if I gave him my account number? Within 20 minutes he would have taken every dime I had and then some. He would have been able to set up counterfeit credit cards, stolen my identity and ruined my credit. This is serious , please share this with all of your friends.
Let's talk about online dating scam pattern. As with any scam there is a pattern of behavior. I have experienced these repeatedly.
Step 1) question... "How long have you been on this site?" This question is to see how gullible you are and to see if you have been scammed before. It is a test to see if you qualify and even to see how desperate you are to find a suitable companion.
If you answer "I am new to this site", then all bets are off. Well, what if you are new to the site. You don't have to tell strangers anything. That's a very important rule to apply to anything done online or even in person. Let's call it the "I do not know you" rule.
Step 2) "You are the most beautiful woman/handsome man, I've ever seen." Followed by "Where are you from?" Okay, let's get real. Even if you are the most handsome or beautiful person they have ever seen...wouldn't you already know that. Lol! This comment is to build your confidence. If you are a very meek person and lonely, this is like water to a thirsting person. This tests your NEED to be wanted. If you reply with "Thank you so much" or some other open ended remark leaving them to further delve into your need for a relationship they perceive that they have a door into your soul
You see, dating scams are not just scamming to get your money, they can't possible get your money if they don't get your soul. Sounds spiritual because it is. Where your heart goes.... So let's go on to step 3. Step two usually lasts about a week of continual conversation. They randomly send you thoughtful messages about how attractive you are and how they can't live without you.
Step 3) "I have to go out of the country for work. I'll keep talking to you while I'm gone." This is a trap. If they have accessed your emotions they are now looking to plot a fake tragedy that only you can help them escape from.
Oh, before I go on. Let's talk about profiles. Now, there are real people out in the dating world that have lost a loved one or are newly divorced , but these people thrive on tragedy. For example one scammer told me about the love of his life and that he never thought he'd feel that way again until he met me. "HELLO! You do not know me.. You saw a picture of me." Reality checks are very important.
Step 4) "I have an emergency. I am out of the country and my boss has left me here. I need your help. Can you send money?" Here's the kicker on that one...."If you give me your account number I'll pay you back." Really? Now I am not kidding, this has worked on many, many, many individuals. We all want to help out someone we feel a connection to. It's human nature. So, I posed this question, "So, you just met me, we've never seen each other. You're in a foreign country where you've been abandoned and I (who you just met) am the only living soul on this planet that can help you?" NO!!! RUN!
If they are truly with a community of workers their boss will not leave them. If they are older than two years old, you can not possibly be the only person to save them. They are counting on you having what is called a "Savior Complex". They have set themselves up to be the victim and you are the hero.
Ask yourself this question, "Does this make any sense?" Unfortunately these people know how to work your emotions. If they can get you to "feel" like they really care about you and you've just experienced a horrible divorce or even a death of a mate....you are vulnerable. This is what they are looking for...vulnerability.
How willing are you to accept their accolades? How flattered are you by their responses? How willing are you to drop everything and communicate with them?
Here are some very specific tests to apply to any online relationship. If they ask you where you are from...don't be specific. Ask them where they are from. I had one con artist tell me that he was "right off the gulf coast, but he was from Ohio." Oh, he also lived in France until he was 17. That was a good one. So, I replied, "are you in Texas?" Suddenly the conversation changed to broken English. "I from gulf coast." Then I said, "you are not in North America because you use broken English." To which the reply was, "I told you I live in France." Really, You lived in France, you are from Ohio but you don't know where Texas is?
Broken English is the most common "tell" of all scammers. They aren't from here so they expect you to think they are just typing too fast or are "text" typing, which usually leaves out a word here or there or they spell something incorrectly, etc. This is also to test your vulnerability.
I have learned all of these things from experience. After my divorce was final I went to some "dating" sites that were recommended by friends. I mean, it must work, there are people that do get married from these sites, right?
Rule number one. if they are not local.. they are probably not real. If you can not meet them or see pictures of them outside of who they say they are...Oh, this was a good one. This man pretended to be in the military. But he used broken English. I decided to play along. I asked him to post more pictures of himself. He did. He posted pictures of men in camouflage outfits that had their faces covered. They were all about the same height and weight so it possibly could have been the same person. If you don't see them with other people or in differing circumstances and you can not clearly identify their faces, I suggest you run.
Recently I had two "gentlemen" try to talk to me on Instagram. I have to admit that one of them was very good at his job. You do know this is no more than a job to these people? You are their source of income. Anyway, His profile picture came up. There was a picture of him with a dog and a horse in different clothes and settings. Oh, also check to see how many followers they have. This is really important. If you get a message stating that someone famous if following you. Look closely. If that "famous" person has 4 followers...they are not the famous person. If they have forty followers, they are not the famous person. These are called, "Dummy accounts". They are looking for you to follow them so they can have access to your friends and contacts all the while searching for that one person who "needs" what they have to offer.
Please hear me. These people are serious. They know exactly what to say to gain your confidence, they know exactly how long to go without speaking to you after they've spoken to you daily. This ploy is to get you thinking that you've offended them to which they will reply that they are just busy.
It's a trick to get you addicted to their attention and then to take it away. Then a crisis hits and you are their only savior. I've seen people who were so convinced of these fake relationships that they lost houses, inheritances and everything you could imagine. Why? Because someone cunning knew what to say and how to respond to a person that is feeling lonely.
I had one guy tell me that he was in England on vacation to see his grandmother. He had seemed legitimate until he pulled the "I'm going overseas" part. I told myself, "Wait for it!" Suddenly he was mugged! They stole his passport, they stole his money and his poor grandmother was in the hospital and needed to come to America., I was the "only" person that could help. I have to admit I was saddened that he "went there". I even said to him, "Oh please don't go there." To which he continued to tell me about his troubles that only I could solve.
I am not making one of these instances up. I am telling you from first hand experience. They play this game every day of every week and especially around holidays. We are all vulnerable especially during holidays when a family has been split in two and somebody who doesn't know you tells you that you are the most amazing person they've ever met. Please remind yourself of this one very important fact: You have actually never met!
After I "called one guy out" and told him that I knew he was conning me he laughed and said that my profile picture looked like a prison mug shot! Yes, that's how amazingly beautiful I was to him.
By the way, it's not a good idea to let them know that you are on to them. They will simply change tactics and try something else.
There is a web site where you can check pictures out of people whose identity (or just pictures) have been stolen and used to elicit a reaction. It's http://scamdigger.com. This site shows you pictures of real people that have had their pictures re-posted by a scammer in order to lure you into a relationship. After all, if the con artist is a Nigerian woman pretending to be a man, He/she is certainly not going to use their own picture or a picture of someone who is not the most amazing person you've ever seen. Oh, by the way, if you see my picture anywhere on this site, please tell me. I'd be flattered to know that I must look amazing enough...LOL! But still.... check it out.
Please share this with your single friends. This pattern rarely changes. It may vary from time periods or their verbiage might change but the essence and the foundation remain the same. They want your money....all of it.
Can you imagine if I'd fallen for the guy who said, he'd pay me back if I gave him my account number? Within 20 minutes he would have taken every dime I had and then some. He would have been able to set up counterfeit credit cards, stolen my identity and ruined my credit. This is serious , please share this with all of your friends.
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