I Pulled the wrong string!
While I untangled the mess I found something I’d been looking for. I turned on YouTube and Elevation Church was having a service. The series was entitled, “Maybe God?” He was talking about when your phone shows a text from somebody and it says “maybe;?” I had a friend tell me that even though she has me in her “contacts” list, whenever I text her it says “Maybe Barjeana “. Well how many Barjeana’s do you know? That’s what I thought. I only know of one... me!
His perspective really caught my attention. The sermon was not a “self help” or “motivational “ message it was very down to earth and real. Let me quote some of it for you. “Don’t have a conversation with what God calls you to trample on. Example :Eve. ” what? Or how about this one, “We no longer fight the devil on his level. By the time we do worry and anxiety win.“. One more, “We will not be perfect but we will be present, save your strength for battles that matter”
Then I listened to another series called “Let the dirt do its work”. What? He talked about the parable of the Sower. He said he’d always thought that God was the Sower, but the Bible says that the Sower plants the seed but doesn’t know how the seed grows. Well that can’t be God because He knows everything. He compared it to driving a car. I don’t know how it gets me from one place to the other. I put gas in it, maintain it and push a button and it starts. I don’t know how I can flip a switch and lights come on in my house. I don’t know how a seed turns into a tree. To tell you the truth I don’t really care so long as it happens.
So, the Sower can’t be God. Could God be the dirt? Well that’s just ridiculous, or is it? You see Jesus was buried in the dirt. I don’t know how God raised him from the dead. Do you? I could quote you scriptures, but I can’t comprehend the process. God put His son in a grave to conquer death?
The Sower then has to be us. What have you buried lately? I’ve been toiling and toiling and practicing and working and I’ve been expecting a harvest. The problem was that I never buried the seed.
I am not telling you this to make me look good because honestly what happened next was painful and the opposite of what I was “trying” to do. Through my hats and other things I’ve been trying to make an income for myself. I did all the advertising, my products were quality, imaginative and inspired, but I had few sales. I tried using all the search engine words, I watched webinars, I compared my products to make sure I wasn’t overpriced... yep, checked off all the boxes and very little happened. I just "knew” that my latest idea would work. However, when I stepped outside of my perceived expectations I saw magic take form.
But on the day that I pulled the yarn from the wrong place I had a sort of vision. I had shelves full of things I’d made. “God will bless the works of my hands”! It’s scriptural, the problem was I had decided what that blessing should look like. I thought it should look like an income. But as I watched those services I saw my shelves full. I’d done the sowing ( literally sometimes). But I was trying to be the dirt. I was trying to make something happen.
As I saw all that I had made my heart sank within me. I heard this question in my heart “Did you make those things to sit on a shelf?” Then I remembered why I started making them in the first place. I started making the hats to give to cancer patients as they lost their hair. I wanted them to have a choice, not just a scarf, wig or beanie. Something to show that their personality hadn’t changed, just their hair. Because I remember looking at myself without hair and thinking I had lost so much more. I lost my identity, my dignity and most of all I let go of what made me unique. Hair didn’t give me any of those things. Hair is just a thing. But when you’re going through it, hair seems really important.
So, I started making hats and head warmers so that I could help these women keep their dignity and perspective and personality, I didn’t make them to sit on a shelf .
Then came the hard part. “Lord, what do you want me to do?” In essence he told me to “ bury them”. The ready bears that I made for the grieving and the hats I made for comfort. I saw myself loading them all into my car and taking it to someone who could reach people that had these needs.
That was hard! I’d worked so hard! I’d put my best efforts into these things, they were an extension of my heart .” So I talked to someone I trusted about my thoughts and they agreed that God had inspired me to give it all away.
I then asked this person. Do you know of someone who has lost a child and needs a physical, tangible reminder of that child. Then the magic started happening, They told me of a child that had been in a coma for a month. I remembered that I’d made a teddy bear and named it “no nap”. Isn’t that odd? So I wrapped that bear in its own blanket, handmade a card which said something like “ my name is “No Nap” it’s time to wake up. I got the teddy bear and gave it with tears in my heart and prayers from my lips. The tears weren’t from death of a dream. No they were tears of fulfillment of a dream.
Then I loaded up the rest of the teddy bears and hats and took them to “Joy in the Cause”. When I got there I explained to the representative what I wanted to do. I told her that the teddy bears were for the grieving and the hats were for cancer patients going through chemo. Then the miracle happened. She told me that the very next day this group was going to minister to 75 cancer patients. Then she told me about recent deaths. My heart changed. I didn’t need to sell those things, they had a purpose and I was keeping them out of the ground trying to make them grow.
Was it easy to give away what I worked so hard on? No way. I didn’t know whether to feel fulfillment or grief. So I did it by faith and I prayed over each item and asked the Lord to cause them to fulfill their purpose. All I asked for in return was the stories of what God did through them. That’s the treasure.
But what about provision? What about me? Let’s get real. I had a need and thought theses things were my solution, now what?
I’d also taken another step of faith with all the courage I could muster. I applied to teach English as a second language. Who would have thought of that? Someone gave me the suggestion and I pursued it. This part is funny. When I first applied I failed miserably. I wasn’t prepared, I didn’t know how to use the software, oh by the way these courses are taught online to children across the world. I failed miserably, I wanted to cry out and say “see I told you I couldn’t do anything right” But God wouldn’t let me give up. I tried again and this company was thrilled to give me a chance. I was afraid. “What if I mess this up too?” Nothing can grow if you don’t bury it. So I took a leap of faith and I took the job.
To say that I was nervous would be an understatement. To say that I dealt with fear of failure would be putting it mildly. But I did it anyway.
Someone once told me that courage is doing something while you’re afraid. Last week I got an email from the company I work for and they’d evaluated some of my classes. They said “you have exceeded our expectations “ I got an email this morning asking if I could work more hours to give other children the benefit of having a wonderful experience “. What? Who me?"
So. I have to get up very early, I have to study and take tests, but I’m happy and there is provision. It’s such a joy to me to see these children laugh and learn while I’m just being me.
So, let me ask you this. What do you need to bury today? I advise you not to wait until you pull the wrong end of the yarn to figure it out. Most people say, “what have you got to lose” I say, “what have you got to gain?” Unless you bury your seed in the ground where God has complete control, that seed will never fulfill its potential. “Let the dirt do its work”. Please let me know how God uses this in your lives. If it causes you to grow then I’ve planted these words in a place where miracles happen and things grow and become what is impossible. Don't let pulling the wrong end of the yarn destroy what you're making.
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