Anorexia; the cause and side effects
I'm not going to talk about "clinical anorexia". Why? Because there's nothing clinical about it. We have been under-educated in regards to anorexia. There have been many medical articles and even testimonials written about it. So, why am I writing about it? Because I've looked it in the eyes and I know its name: death.
I started starving myself at a very early age. It wasn't really noticeable because people just thought I was a "finicky" eater. At the age of 12 I weighed 78 pounds and was five foot 2. Maybe that doesn't sound dramatic for a 12 year old, but it was for me. I had no strength, I was sick all the time and I was suffering silently.
Anorexia starts out as a way to control things around you when there is nothing else you can control. I had a lot of difficulty growing up. I "believed" (why, nobody knows) that I was a mistake and that I had ruined people's lives by being born. Do Not blame my family. I doubt they realized the depths of my despair. Depression had already created a path in my brain. I was "quiet" or I was "emotional". All of those things seemed innocent at the age of 12, but they were only the beginning of a nightmare from which I barely escaped. (Italics are the narrator speaking)
Let me tell you about a day in the life of an anorexic. We'll call this person example child:
Susie...
"I woke up and weighed myself today. I was hoping that over night I'd lost two pounds. I hadn't and that made me really mad. I'm not going to eat today because I need to lose those two pounds to meet my "goal".
What is your goal Susie? "to be invisible." "If I don't eat I will blend in and nobody will notice me."
Why do you want to die Susie? "because I just don't understand why people want to live. It makes no sense to me. All I see is heart ache and hear about people praying to get well. Why? Why do people want to delay their trip to Heaven?"
Susie, do you want to die? "Yes. I pray every night that I won't wake up, but I do. I pray every night that people won't see me, but I wake up and they do."
Why don't you want people to see you Susie? "Because I'm ugly. I'm fat and I'm a waste of space."
Who told you that? "It's obvious? Look at the people around me. They are miserable and I can't fix it!"
Are you angry Susie? "Yes. I don't know what people expect from me. I can't fix them."
Susie, Why do you think you have to fix them? "Well, isn't that why Jesus put me on this earth? To make people's lives better? Isn't it my job to make people's lives easier?"
Where did you get that idea Susie. "Church. I hear it all the time. Love others more than you love yourself. Hate your life and you will gain it." "Jesus first, others second and yourself last. That spells JOY"
Do you have joy Susie? "No and neither does anyone else. The pastor that taught me this message ended up sleeping with a woman in the church and because of the distress it caused his wife, who I loved dearly, she died." "I don't understand."
Susie, do you believe Jesus loves you? "I'm supposed to." No, Susie, do you believe that Jesus loves you? "No, I believe that Jesus tolerates me." Why? "I don't know. I can't fix anybody or anything. I can't make things better for anyone."
Let me interrupt you Susie, Why do you think it's your job to fix anybody or anything?"
"Isn't that why Jesus put me here on this earth? To make everybody's lives better? To save them from Hell and make their lives easier?"
Who told you that? "I learned it in church. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Blessed is he who mourns, blessed is he who is persecuted..... the be attitudes."
Susie, that's not what that means?
Do you hear the pain in this narrative? There is an error in thinking that developed early in this child. She believed it was her ordained purpose to make the world a better place and the pressure was too much for her. So, she believed she had failed and didn't deserve to live anymore.
This thinking lead to years and years of suffering. Dr's say that if an anorexic person doesn't get well by the time they are 40, they will die from it. It's a slow, agonizing way to die.
Now for the side effects. Living as an anorexic for most of my life has stunted my physical development. I have trouble determining distances and sizes because my mind told me that I was fat at 79 pounds. My mind was trained to believe that everything I saw was bigger that it really was or smaller. My depth perception was faulty.
When I took psychology I remember reading that the brain of a child should develop depth perception and he/she should be able to distinguish between sizes of cups, etc . I couldn't. I could only tell if there was a huge difference.
What are the warning signs?
Well, they aren't just because a child is thin or finicky. It's a way of thinking. It's a pathway into the brain that becomes a highway into depression. I don't know if anorexia is caused or followed by depression, but depression is a very high indicator that something is not right.
When a teenager goes through a normal state of puberty, he/she will eat less, then eat more, they will be worried about their weight or pimples or anything that they perceive is "abnormal". So, how do you know? What do you watch out for? What are the warning signs? What should you do?
I can't answer all of those questions but I can give you some ideas. If your child refuses to eat for any length of time, then eats, then refuses to eat again, she is in the cycle of anorexia. She is actually starving and saving herself from starvation.
When I was in my late 30's I weighed 104 pounds. Anorexia had taken it's toll. I was depressed. It was severe. At that time depression was not a "thing" like it is today. It was a "defect." I was defective.
Is it curable? Yes. Is it treatable? Yes. Discern what the core belief is that is causing the distorted thinking and behavior. What is out of control in that child's life and how can you teach them to control positive issues as well as negative issues.
You can't argue with anorexia anymore than you can argue with depression. But there are steps you can take to catch this horrible, torturous illness in its beginning stages or even prevent it.
Give your child something that is in their control. Give you child options. Give them the power to make decisions without undue pressure.
For example: Give the child choices that are within their power to make or not to make. Help them understand at an early age that they have choices and that those choices have side effects and consequences, both good and bad.
Let's say you have a two year old. Yes, they have the power to choose. They might not understand how to use it, but they do have the power.
"Do you want to go to bed?" "No!" "Do you want to play outside tomorrow?" "Yes." "Well, if you go to bed now, you can play outside tomorrow!" No punishment, just a decision and a reward for making a good decision. You must keep your word. If the child does not make a wise choice they do not get the reward. You MUST give them a sense of stability.
Children must be taught how to make choices not just rules to follow. In my case I saw the world as black and white and full of rules. If I broke one of those rules bad things happened. But you see, bad things happened anyway. So, the thought was, "I must have broken some invisible rule."
I am NOT against church, or preachers or ministries, but I am against hypocrisy. I am against double standards.
We must give our children a well rounded education. They must have as much play as they do work. Doesn't that sound simple? It isn't . I was either at church or school. Someone was constantly telling me what to do. I did not have the ability to choose. Again! This is not my parent's fault, it was the time and day that I grew up in. It was just the way it was "supposed to be". Suicide, anorexia, bulimia, drug addiction, alcoholism.... have one thing in common: Control.
Most children don't start experimenting with alcohol because their parents do it.... but because they "aren't supposed to." If I tell a child, "Do not eat that chocolate chip cookie while I'm away!" they hear, "Hey, eat all the chocolate chip cookies while she's away."
Give your children an education. Educate them as to why drinking is bad for their health. Teach moderation including the areas of sleep, play, food... everything. A balanced child is less likely to experiment with things that are "forbidden". Why? Because they understand the consequences.
If you learn one thing from this blog. Please hear me. A child must have choices. A child must learn how to choose what is good and praise them for those choices. A child must be allowed to be a child. I'm going to go as far as to say, "if you have furniture that your children can't climb on... get rid of it until they are grown." If something is off limits, explain why. Not because you "owe them an explanation" but because they are learning. Let them learn why they don't NEED drugs, or alcohol to have a good time. They learn to enjoy the little things in life. They learn what "No " means and why "No" is a good word.
What does all of this have to do with anorexia.? Everything. Susie didn't understand that she had a choice. Her choices were unclear therefore she made assumptions that if she did or did not behave a certain way things would or would not go well for her and her family. Susie was a child. Let your children be children. Give them options, training, consequences and opportunities to make decisions. Then, they won't have to control the only thing they can: the power to eat.
Anorexia is encouraged by the lack of clear boundaries and choices. I couldn't control the outcome of other peoples lives, I couldn't believe what people in authority were telling me, I didn't know how to judge good or bad, I accepted words without actions. I didn't know how to live or who to trust.
Please...teach your children how to live well. Things will not always be "good" or "rosy" or "perfect." But let them know that they do have power and that things do change throughout life. They must be taught to hope. Give a child the power to make a decision and the ability to hope and you have key ingredients needed in order to raise a healthy child.
Live well, love well, and laugh often. Teach balance and live balance. Be the example...rule your own soul and be real. Let your children see a real Jesus, a balanced Jesus, a pleasant Jesus and a fun Jesus. Do not let them see him as a rule maker or a judge. He is so much more. He is love, laughter, fun, healing and balance. He is hope.
I started starving myself at a very early age. It wasn't really noticeable because people just thought I was a "finicky" eater. At the age of 12 I weighed 78 pounds and was five foot 2. Maybe that doesn't sound dramatic for a 12 year old, but it was for me. I had no strength, I was sick all the time and I was suffering silently.
Anorexia starts out as a way to control things around you when there is nothing else you can control. I had a lot of difficulty growing up. I "believed" (why, nobody knows) that I was a mistake and that I had ruined people's lives by being born. Do Not blame my family. I doubt they realized the depths of my despair. Depression had already created a path in my brain. I was "quiet" or I was "emotional". All of those things seemed innocent at the age of 12, but they were only the beginning of a nightmare from which I barely escaped. (Italics are the narrator speaking)
Let me tell you about a day in the life of an anorexic. We'll call this person example child:
Susie...
"I woke up and weighed myself today. I was hoping that over night I'd lost two pounds. I hadn't and that made me really mad. I'm not going to eat today because I need to lose those two pounds to meet my "goal".
What is your goal Susie? "to be invisible." "If I don't eat I will blend in and nobody will notice me."
Why do you want to die Susie? "because I just don't understand why people want to live. It makes no sense to me. All I see is heart ache and hear about people praying to get well. Why? Why do people want to delay their trip to Heaven?"
Susie, do you want to die? "Yes. I pray every night that I won't wake up, but I do. I pray every night that people won't see me, but I wake up and they do."
Why don't you want people to see you Susie? "Because I'm ugly. I'm fat and I'm a waste of space."
Who told you that? "It's obvious? Look at the people around me. They are miserable and I can't fix it!"
Are you angry Susie? "Yes. I don't know what people expect from me. I can't fix them."
Susie, Why do you think you have to fix them? "Well, isn't that why Jesus put me on this earth? To make people's lives better? Isn't it my job to make people's lives easier?"
Where did you get that idea Susie. "Church. I hear it all the time. Love others more than you love yourself. Hate your life and you will gain it." "Jesus first, others second and yourself last. That spells JOY"
Do you have joy Susie? "No and neither does anyone else. The pastor that taught me this message ended up sleeping with a woman in the church and because of the distress it caused his wife, who I loved dearly, she died." "I don't understand."
Susie, do you believe Jesus loves you? "I'm supposed to." No, Susie, do you believe that Jesus loves you? "No, I believe that Jesus tolerates me." Why? "I don't know. I can't fix anybody or anything. I can't make things better for anyone."
Let me interrupt you Susie, Why do you think it's your job to fix anybody or anything?"
"Isn't that why Jesus put me here on this earth? To make everybody's lives better? To save them from Hell and make their lives easier?"
Who told you that? "I learned it in church. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Blessed is he who mourns, blessed is he who is persecuted..... the be attitudes."
Susie, that's not what that means?
Do you hear the pain in this narrative? There is an error in thinking that developed early in this child. She believed it was her ordained purpose to make the world a better place and the pressure was too much for her. So, she believed she had failed and didn't deserve to live anymore.
This thinking lead to years and years of suffering. Dr's say that if an anorexic person doesn't get well by the time they are 40, they will die from it. It's a slow, agonizing way to die.
Now for the side effects. Living as an anorexic for most of my life has stunted my physical development. I have trouble determining distances and sizes because my mind told me that I was fat at 79 pounds. My mind was trained to believe that everything I saw was bigger that it really was or smaller. My depth perception was faulty.
When I took psychology I remember reading that the brain of a child should develop depth perception and he/she should be able to distinguish between sizes of cups, etc . I couldn't. I could only tell if there was a huge difference.
What are the warning signs?
Well, they aren't just because a child is thin or finicky. It's a way of thinking. It's a pathway into the brain that becomes a highway into depression. I don't know if anorexia is caused or followed by depression, but depression is a very high indicator that something is not right.
When a teenager goes through a normal state of puberty, he/she will eat less, then eat more, they will be worried about their weight or pimples or anything that they perceive is "abnormal". So, how do you know? What do you watch out for? What are the warning signs? What should you do?
I can't answer all of those questions but I can give you some ideas. If your child refuses to eat for any length of time, then eats, then refuses to eat again, she is in the cycle of anorexia. She is actually starving and saving herself from starvation.
When I was in my late 30's I weighed 104 pounds. Anorexia had taken it's toll. I was depressed. It was severe. At that time depression was not a "thing" like it is today. It was a "defect." I was defective.
Is it curable? Yes. Is it treatable? Yes. Discern what the core belief is that is causing the distorted thinking and behavior. What is out of control in that child's life and how can you teach them to control positive issues as well as negative issues.
You can't argue with anorexia anymore than you can argue with depression. But there are steps you can take to catch this horrible, torturous illness in its beginning stages or even prevent it.
Give your child something that is in their control. Give you child options. Give them the power to make decisions without undue pressure.
For example: Give the child choices that are within their power to make or not to make. Help them understand at an early age that they have choices and that those choices have side effects and consequences, both good and bad.
Let's say you have a two year old. Yes, they have the power to choose. They might not understand how to use it, but they do have the power.
"Do you want to go to bed?" "No!" "Do you want to play outside tomorrow?" "Yes." "Well, if you go to bed now, you can play outside tomorrow!" No punishment, just a decision and a reward for making a good decision. You must keep your word. If the child does not make a wise choice they do not get the reward. You MUST give them a sense of stability.
Children must be taught how to make choices not just rules to follow. In my case I saw the world as black and white and full of rules. If I broke one of those rules bad things happened. But you see, bad things happened anyway. So, the thought was, "I must have broken some invisible rule."
I am NOT against church, or preachers or ministries, but I am against hypocrisy. I am against double standards.
We must give our children a well rounded education. They must have as much play as they do work. Doesn't that sound simple? It isn't . I was either at church or school. Someone was constantly telling me what to do. I did not have the ability to choose. Again! This is not my parent's fault, it was the time and day that I grew up in. It was just the way it was "supposed to be". Suicide, anorexia, bulimia, drug addiction, alcoholism.... have one thing in common: Control.
Most children don't start experimenting with alcohol because their parents do it.... but because they "aren't supposed to." If I tell a child, "Do not eat that chocolate chip cookie while I'm away!" they hear, "Hey, eat all the chocolate chip cookies while she's away."
Give your children an education. Educate them as to why drinking is bad for their health. Teach moderation including the areas of sleep, play, food... everything. A balanced child is less likely to experiment with things that are "forbidden". Why? Because they understand the consequences.
If you learn one thing from this blog. Please hear me. A child must have choices. A child must learn how to choose what is good and praise them for those choices. A child must be allowed to be a child. I'm going to go as far as to say, "if you have furniture that your children can't climb on... get rid of it until they are grown." If something is off limits, explain why. Not because you "owe them an explanation" but because they are learning. Let them learn why they don't NEED drugs, or alcohol to have a good time. They learn to enjoy the little things in life. They learn what "No " means and why "No" is a good word.
What does all of this have to do with anorexia.? Everything. Susie didn't understand that she had a choice. Her choices were unclear therefore she made assumptions that if she did or did not behave a certain way things would or would not go well for her and her family. Susie was a child. Let your children be children. Give them options, training, consequences and opportunities to make decisions. Then, they won't have to control the only thing they can: the power to eat.
Anorexia is encouraged by the lack of clear boundaries and choices. I couldn't control the outcome of other peoples lives, I couldn't believe what people in authority were telling me, I didn't know how to judge good or bad, I accepted words without actions. I didn't know how to live or who to trust.
Please...teach your children how to live well. Things will not always be "good" or "rosy" or "perfect." But let them know that they do have power and that things do change throughout life. They must be taught to hope. Give a child the power to make a decision and the ability to hope and you have key ingredients needed in order to raise a healthy child.
Live well, love well, and laugh often. Teach balance and live balance. Be the example...rule your own soul and be real. Let your children see a real Jesus, a balanced Jesus, a pleasant Jesus and a fun Jesus. Do not let them see him as a rule maker or a judge. He is so much more. He is love, laughter, fun, healing and balance. He is hope.
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