Surviving parenting
The past year has been very enlightening. Have you ever struggled with ideologies? Things you just knew were true... so true that they even defied common sense. Got your attention?
We’ve all been given advice that we "shouldn’t" do things because they “can cause cancer”. I avoided all of those things and guess what? Got cancer anyway. Was that my fault? Absolutely not. We live in a fallen world and one thing is certain... we’re all going to die. Don’t you feel better now? I mean seriously who can live a “perfect “ life? What is “perfect”? I don’t know.
For example let’s talk about parenting. If you are a parent then you will probably know the meanings of the words “guilt” and “regret”. I think those are the two most tormenting words in parental language. “I wish I had or had not done”. “I thought I taught them better than that” “They are having a hard time and if I’d only done....insert word here... they wouldn’t be going through this”. Guess what? You are both right and wrong. Shocker. None of us are perfect. None of us know the future. Nobody knows exactly how to prepare any one else for the struggles of this life. People write books about the topic of success, they are everywhere.
So let’s look at what success means. It’s a relevant term. Did you finish school? Success. Did you go to college? Success. What about people like Einstein? He wasn’t a success. He couldn’t make it through algebra. What about Oprah Winfrey? She was fired because she wasn’t “TV” material. Walt Disney failed art because he “lacked imagination “.
So, what is success?. There are a few basic successes that parents often ignore. Like; Did your child survive your parenting skills? Success! Did you do what you thought was best based on the knowledge available to you? Here’s one that I didn’t think of until recently. I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just going to be frank.
Do you know what your parents lives were like?
I had the opportunity to talk to some parents recently and I was left in awe. Not by the things they did, but by the things they didn’t do. What do I mean?
One parent spoke of how they were punished because of food. Yes, food. Do you know what that parent didn’t do? They did not allow food to become a punishment or a reward. Success. Another parent talked about how their parent had abused them. Do you know what that parent did not do? They didn’t abuse their children! Success. You see sometimes NOT doing something is more successful than doing something.
I have regrets as a parent. I have “I wishes” but after talking with these parents I have a new perspective. The things I didn’t do may be more important and may have even been more difficult than the things I did do.
Looking at success from this side of parenting has really opened my eyes and given me a greater sense of awe. On behalf of children everywhere I want to thank every parent that had a troublesome childhood for doing their best “NOT” to pass that trauma down to their children.
From my new perspective I would like to thank my parents for the things they did not do. Nothing is perfect... nothing, but what about the days that I had a meal to eat? What about nights that I had a place to sleep? Many times grown children perceived their childhoods as torturous and yes, they may have been. But what about the things their parents didn’t do?
This is not a license to abuse.No, this is gratitude for what didn’t happen. I’m proud of my children because they survived me. I was never mean or hateful, but I certainly wasn't. I’ve learned to “just breathe” and be the best mother I know how to be today. I can’t fix yesterday or the day before that, but I am here now.
Parents applaud yourselves for being here now. And for those of us that lost a child or a parent too early in life... turn your sorrow into gratitude. You had the time you were given and you were there . It matters.
So, regarding success stories, I’ve decided to be much more grateful for what didn’t happen than I am angry or sorrowful about what did. Will you join me in this new perspective? This will lead you to forgive, not only others, but yourself too.
Choose to rejoice. Regret never helped anybody. “Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Look it up. What if I said it this way, “sorrow may last for a while, but joy comes after mourning.” Can we let go, stop grieving and be grateful. Will you join me as we end this year? Christmas is upon us and the New Year is at hand. I choose to focus on the good and free myself and those around me from the negative things they did and stand in awe at the things they "did not" do.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
We’ve all been given advice that we "shouldn’t" do things because they “can cause cancer”. I avoided all of those things and guess what? Got cancer anyway. Was that my fault? Absolutely not. We live in a fallen world and one thing is certain... we’re all going to die. Don’t you feel better now? I mean seriously who can live a “perfect “ life? What is “perfect”? I don’t know.
For example let’s talk about parenting. If you are a parent then you will probably know the meanings of the words “guilt” and “regret”. I think those are the two most tormenting words in parental language. “I wish I had or had not done”. “I thought I taught them better than that” “They are having a hard time and if I’d only done....insert word here... they wouldn’t be going through this”. Guess what? You are both right and wrong. Shocker. None of us are perfect. None of us know the future. Nobody knows exactly how to prepare any one else for the struggles of this life. People write books about the topic of success, they are everywhere.
So let’s look at what success means. It’s a relevant term. Did you finish school? Success. Did you go to college? Success. What about people like Einstein? He wasn’t a success. He couldn’t make it through algebra. What about Oprah Winfrey? She was fired because she wasn’t “TV” material. Walt Disney failed art because he “lacked imagination “.
So, what is success?. There are a few basic successes that parents often ignore. Like; Did your child survive your parenting skills? Success! Did you do what you thought was best based on the knowledge available to you? Here’s one that I didn’t think of until recently. I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just going to be frank.
Do you know what your parents lives were like?
I had the opportunity to talk to some parents recently and I was left in awe. Not by the things they did, but by the things they didn’t do. What do I mean?
One parent spoke of how they were punished because of food. Yes, food. Do you know what that parent didn’t do? They did not allow food to become a punishment or a reward. Success. Another parent talked about how their parent had abused them. Do you know what that parent did not do? They didn’t abuse their children! Success. You see sometimes NOT doing something is more successful than doing something.
I have regrets as a parent. I have “I wishes” but after talking with these parents I have a new perspective. The things I didn’t do may be more important and may have even been more difficult than the things I did do.
Looking at success from this side of parenting has really opened my eyes and given me a greater sense of awe. On behalf of children everywhere I want to thank every parent that had a troublesome childhood for doing their best “NOT” to pass that trauma down to their children.
From my new perspective I would like to thank my parents for the things they did not do. Nothing is perfect... nothing, but what about the days that I had a meal to eat? What about nights that I had a place to sleep? Many times grown children perceived their childhoods as torturous and yes, they may have been. But what about the things their parents didn’t do?
This is not a license to abuse.No, this is gratitude for what didn’t happen. I’m proud of my children because they survived me. I was never mean or hateful, but I certainly wasn't. I’ve learned to “just breathe” and be the best mother I know how to be today. I can’t fix yesterday or the day before that, but I am here now.
Parents applaud yourselves for being here now. And for those of us that lost a child or a parent too early in life... turn your sorrow into gratitude. You had the time you were given and you were there . It matters.
So, regarding success stories, I’ve decided to be much more grateful for what didn’t happen than I am angry or sorrowful about what did. Will you join me in this new perspective? This will lead you to forgive, not only others, but yourself too.
Choose to rejoice. Regret never helped anybody. “Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Look it up. What if I said it this way, “sorrow may last for a while, but joy comes after mourning.” Can we let go, stop grieving and be grateful. Will you join me as we end this year? Christmas is upon us and the New Year is at hand. I choose to focus on the good and free myself and those around me from the negative things they did and stand in awe at the things they "did not" do.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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