Oh wait, it’s only depression

 Christmas brings great joy but depression often leaves its victim guilt ridden because they can not experience the same joy as others.That's why I titled this. “Wait, it’s only depression “.  Many people see depression as a choice, a phase, an inconvenience.  It's often dismissed, but depression is very real and is a horrible state of mind. Some people do not recover from it.

When you experience something for a long period of time it becomes normal. Depression doesn't really go away. I know, there are miracles and medication, but unfortunately we live in a fallen world and when something has a hold on you, it really doesn't want to let go. The same thing is true of depression. It creates pathways in the brain and those pathways becomes more and more "normal".  When you don't feel depressed and you have felt depressed for a long time it's hard to believe that depression won't sneak up on you again. But guess what, the truth of the matter is that depression does sneak back up on people.

I've experienced an anomaly of sorts;  happiness, real happiness. Most people would think that was exciting. Well, it was until depression hit again. When depression hit again something new happened. I suffered grief because I knew what happiness felt like.  You know that age old question, "Is it better to love and lose than never to love at all?" That's a really amazing question.

Was my life better before I knew what happiness was? Not really. Happiness brought relief and hope that it could happen again. If I never knew happiness I wouldn't know that it was possible. I guess love is like that too. If a person never experienced love they'd never know that they could love again. Hmm....

Depression says that nothing is worth living for and tells the person it is holding hostage that they are worthless, it says that life is hopeless....lies. You see there are times when life "looks" hopeless. But it never is hopeless. Not if you have Christ in your life.

Let me give you an example. When I lost a child in my early 20's I felt hopeless. I had two beautiful daughters and I love(d) them with all of my heart, but losing a child...it's really hard. Depression took over and said things like "you don't deserve to be a mother," "You're a horrible failure," "your children would be better off without you." Sounds terrible doesn't it? It was. But see, depression had built a passageway into my brain with thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness from childhood so when that horrific event happened, depression already had a pathway through my brain to work with.

A new pathway had to be created. It's like with an addiction. You don't take away an addiction without replacing it with something else. The emptiness leaves a vacuum.

A depressed mind believes that depression is normal..  The depressed mind uses words like "always," and "never." Those are permanent words. Depression leaves the sense that things will "always" be bad and nothing good will ever work out.  Hence, depression rules a persons thinking pattern.

If that person experiences happiness, depression raises its voice and says that happiness is a lie.  When happiness fades, depression comes back and says, “I told you so!” “Happiness is for other people!” “ you aren’t good enough to be happy!”

Those are lies that depression tells a person every day. So, when I experienced happiness it had an edge of doubt about it.  “Will this last?” “Is it real?” I hoped so. But let me ask you this....Is it always sunny outside? No, weather changes on a daily basis. In Oklahoma it changes by the hour.

Trust me....one day when I was bell ringing I left the house in short sleeves and had to come home bundled up in a coat. Isn't that bizarre? That's the way it is with depression. If a person can get a hold of the thought that "everything changes, everything moves and breathes and life does not have any permanence to it" then depression doesn't win. It becomes a fleeting thing, not a permanent state of being.

Honestly when I “felt” happy I was actually afraid.  Why? Well since I’d learned what happiness was, how could I live without it?

Let me tell you what I’ve discovered. I suffer from depression, but it isn’t my master. It isn’t the deciding factor, it isn’t the constant. Like the tide in the ocean it comes and then it goes. I’m learning that depression is a symptom. If a person gets a cold they don’t usually jump to the conclusion that they will always have a cold. So I’m learning that depression might come, probably will, but it doesn’t define my life. It does not get the last word. It is fleeting.

When depression pulls out all the stops a person can get stuck there thinking that things will "never" work out... hence suicide. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Life changes all the time. It’s unpredictable. There are seasons of sunshine and beaches and there are seasons of snow and ice.  Seasons are not a constant.

The strange thing is that the most constant thing that exists, besides God, is change. There’s a saying in Oklahoma “if you don’t like the weather. Wait a minute, it will change.”  Life is like that.

So, the answer to the previous question is... it’s really better to have loved and lost than to never love at all, because once you know what love is, you know it can happen again. Always be ready to love, always expect change, but just like the seasons... the sun will come out again. It may not be tomorrow, but it will come out again. Do you know what that's called? "Hope". Hope determines that depression will not win, it reminds a person that everything changes and what was good will come back again even if it's in a different form.

The holiday season is the most difficult for people that suffer from depression. The season changes outside, it gets dark earlier and it's often cold and dreary...those are contributing factors. Plus if they've lost someone, that vacancy is felt x 100. But just like the wind; holidays, seasons and time change constantly. You breathe in and you breathe out. Breathing in is neither good or bad, it's life. Breathing out is neither good or bad it too is  a function of life.

So, what is my point? When you find yourself in a dark valley, remember that darkness can
only exist because light exists. Do not disregard what you feel right now,  but also don't take it as a signal that you will never be happy again. The only permanence is Christ and change.

If we have Christ as the center of our reality, he will restore all good things. This life is not the end. If you do not have hope. If you do not know Jesus, please read my blog entitled, "What you talkin' about Willis?" It's a real way of explaining what it means to be a Christian without religious jargon.

Next time we'll talk about Christmas. But it won't be like you've heard it before...I've seen it in a new light and it's wonderful and more amazing than I could imagine. Stay tuned...