Relationship stages

We’ll call this “Ownership.” When a person is in a new relationship before the observer or participant role is clarified, there is an element of pause...a discovery of sorts. I’ve realized that I have to ask myself, “What am I willing to give, or give up, in this new relationship?”

It’s a difficult thing to do. It sounds so simple. You know, build a wall of support and don’t let anyone in unless they are safe. What about those relationships that sneak up on you.

Let’s talk about love interests. So, this person is new in your life and seems to have an interest in you. What do you do next? Honestly,  If you aren’t careful you’ll fall back into an old routine of thinking; Am I worthy of this persons time? Am I worthy of their love? Do I have anything to give in this relationship? Unfortunately I have realized that I can not afford those questions. Hence the title.

If I’m in a relationship and I’m doubting myself, who’s in charge? Well, it isn’t me. I’ve just given power to the other person, who I do not know yet, the ability to determine my value. That person doesn’t know me. What if they decide that getting to know me isn’t worth their time? Does that mean that I’m not worthy of them? Does it mean that I am less valuable? NO! But if you aren’t certain of who you are your world  will come crashing down at the first sign of rejection.

So, what does rejection do to your soul? It holds you hostage. You may find yourself literally waiting for that person to reject or accept you so that you can approve of yourself. This leads to victim mentality. Victims have no power. They are prisoners. I was a prisoner. I’ve experienced new freedom in knowing who I am.

Again, let me clarify...I am not perfect! But I am me. I’m the only me that people will ever meet. If I take the judgement of others out of the equation I will always be free to be me.

It’s tempting in a new relationship to determine your worth by the worth that the other person gives you. It’s human nature to be wanted, loved and cherished. Frankly, it’s very hard to be in a world where it appears that no one cherishes you.

You may have evidence that people don’t cherish you. The only thing love needs is reciprocation. If love is not reciprocated, it’s not real human love. It’s frustrated love.

So, ask yourself. How do I feel loved? How do I perceive love and is it the same for everybody?

What about a new relationship. If you find that you are conversing more than the other person and you are asking questions of discovery, but there are not being asked in return? To me, that shows the level of value I have been given by that person.

BUT, does their value of me, determine my value? It can’t. What happens if you allow someone else to determine your value? You may start to try to live up to their expectations and you will lose your identity. They won’t be deciding if they like you, they will be defining you.

I’ve been told by many people that I am a person worth knowing. I appreciate that information. I
want to be a person worth knowing. But if one individual doesn’t value me, what does that do to my soul?

Let me give you an example. I’ve been learning , as I’ve stated many times recently that I am a participant in my own life. I have my own back, I believe in me. I know me.

If I let someone else determine my worth, they are only placing value on what they know or assume about me. Do they have enough information? Do they have the correct information? I don’t know. Only time will tell.


If that person looses interest in me, does that mean that my value has decreased? No. Not if my value is based on other things. My value is based on God’s love for me. My value is based on my love and care for myself. Yes, it’s okay to love and value yorurself. It’s your God given right and responsibility to treasure yourself.

Where do I find that in the Bible? Well, it says that we are made in the likeness of God. He paid the ultimate price for me. So, he must value me. All the trials, scars and battles I’ve been through are worth something. They add value to my life. So, how can somebody who does not know me determine my worth? They can’t.

If I let them decide then there are consequnces. I’ve discovered that the consequences are very high. For example if I give my worth to someone else, I am no longer secure. I am no longer free to be me. I am now in a holding pattern, waiting for them to determine my worth to them.

What does it cost to allow someone else to choose your value?  It fosters anxiety, self doubt, uncertainty and you are mow hostage to the one you’ve given permission to judge you. This can create night mares, it can grow into a state of panic, it can harm your soul.

Is it worth it? Can you afford it? My answer is no. I can’t afford to go back to the old person that I was that was insecure and waiting to be validated. I must be me, I can’t fulfill my destiny if someone else gets to determine the value of my destiny. The only person that has the right to determine my destiny is God and that’s only because I give him that persmission. He’s a gentleman and he will not force his will on me.

So, my point tonight is to hold your value tight to your chest. Protect it! Don’t let anybody else have it. If you don’t think you’re  valuable you will act like  you are not valuable and people wil treat you like you are not valuable.

You are valuable. You are unique. There is only one of you. You are not perfect, but you are you and you are precious and valuable. There sin’t anyone like you. So, be you. Be confident in what you are good at and prepared to get better at the things you want to improve. We’re all in a state of repair or building, I don’t know what I’ll be like in five years. Do you? My value today is all the information I have.

So, my advice to you is to take new relationships slow and keep your power. Know who you are and do not belittle or deny your God given attributes to please anyone.

I was once told that it’s better to live under a bridge than to live with people that don’t love you. Sounds harsh, but how determined  are you to live loved? What difference does it make? Well, a loved person is confident and isn’t afraid to make mistakes. They will go far in life because they know they can. The limitations they experience are not inflicted upon them by other people. Their mission in this life is between them and God.

Own your vision. You can’t  afford not to and I can’t afford to miss out on who.you are. The world can’t afford to miss out on all that you have to offer.

Be free! Be valuable and be a success. You can do it!