“We had a deal!”
In some of my blogs I talk about cancer and a major car accident. What I haven’t written about is that I’ve dealt with some sort of illness my entire life. I had asthma and allergies that were so severe that I was often rushed into Drs offices, then hospitals.
I had mumps, measles, chicken pox... I had two out of three of those in one year. Yes there are vaccines for those things, but somebody forgot to tell my body how they worked.
In one year alone I had double pneumonia, lung failure, bilateral Bells Palsy and an intestinal blockage. I had a sinus infection for a full year. I never heard the phrase “nothing is wrong with you” or “that’s normal.”
When I went to the Dr I heard words like, “ you got here just in time!” “Call an ambulance” or at least “I’m calling in a round of antibiotics “.
While my sister was out enjoying sports I was at the piano. People often assumed it was because I wasn’t athletic. They were wrong. I couldn’t go outside for very long.
One year I signed up for a golf class. Yep, it would have been fun if I could have seen the ball. My eyes watered so bad that I couldn’t stay outside. We really don’t want to talk about the year I tried to take archery. Oh brother!
But... something strange has been happening lately. I’ve has symptoms, gone to the Dr expecting the worst and he’s said, “you’re ok, that’s normal!” Are you kidding me? I have never heard those words well... ever.
Let me give you an example of how it used to be. Cough, cough... go to Dr. Dr prescribed antibiotics, but is limited because I’m ALLERGIC to most of them. Isn’t that any oxymoron? Allergies caused the cough, that caused the infection, but the allergies also prevented me from getting help.
When I was very young my mother would have to flip the mattress every day. She had to clean my room every day. I couldn’t hang my art work from school in my room, I couldn’t have carpet or curtains. That was normal.
So as I’ve grown older some things have improved and others not so much. I’ve come to expect a pattern. I watched a Seinfeld episode once when one of the characters was running through a flock of birds. The birds were supposed to fly off when he got close to them, but they didn’t and this character ended up stomping some of them. He started shouting, “We had a deal!”
Unfortunately the deal I got was raw. It was rough. You know how people say they get sick and tired of being sick and tired? Well after a while you just get used to it. I had the routine down to a science.
In the past year I’ve had the weirdest experiences. I had symptoms of a heart problem, was rushed to the hospital and... it was medication related. So that medicine was stopped. Ok.. this was new. Then I had symptoms of a stroke... was taken to the hospital by ambulance and guess what? It was medication related. I started wheezing one day and according to past experience I made an appointment with the Dr. He said, “your lungs are clear. It’s just drainage.” To tell you the truth I really didn’t believe him. So, I went home and waited. Guess what? I got better. Well that was just weird. I thought I had this body figured out. The “deal” wasn’t pleasant, but I understood it. It was a process. A happened then B happened, then C happened it was a familiar pattern .
You might think I’m being silly but you must understand that this has been my life experience from childhood . So a couple of weeks ago I had swelling in my legs and my hands went numb. I was instructed by two experts to go to the Dr because it could be symptoms of heart failure.
Now that’s the body I understood! Lol!
Guess what? It was just swelling. I asked,” what am I supposed to do?” I was waiting for the words I’d heard over and over and... did I mention, over again? “ Go home and rest and I’ll see you back in a few days.”
So I asked, in all my wisdom, “ Do I need to go home and rest?” Here was the answer, “ No, that’s the worst thing you could do!” WHAT? We had a deal! Lol.
Why am I laughing? Well, I didn’t know what to do next. My ankles were swollen, my hands were going numb and the worst thing I could do was rest? If I were a cartoon my head would have exploded!
Guess what? I’m getting used to this. I’m allowing myself to breathe and I’m not afraid. My mind actually believes I’m not sick. I can’t tell you how wonderful that feels. I’m learning what normal feels like. I’d celebrate by taking up golf, but it really isn’t my thing. Maybe I’ll take an archery class? What would you do?
The deal has been broken, I wake up laughing instead of screaming from PTSD, I go to the gym, I have a trainer, I do water aerobics, I take walks with my dog, I sit outside! It’s amazing!
To whom do I give the credit? Well, first of all I have to give God the credit. Why? I mean common sense would say, “if He’s the one who healed you, shouldn’t He have done it a long time ago?” I don’t know. All I do know is that all good things come from God and you better believe that finding out what normal looks like is pretty darn good.
What else changed? I was drawn to a Dr who knew how to get and keep my lungs clear. Then, I didn’t need that medication anymore. I was drawn to a physician that expected me to get well. Others were just treating symptoms. I was drawn to a therapist that taught me how to change my thought patterns, not just cope with them . I was introduced to a loving, accepting, safe group of people willing to do life with me no matter what.
Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t be here now if I hadn’t had Drs who knew how to treat illnesses, or therapists that taught me coping mechanisms. But, it’s now time to move on from those things into a new world, a new perspective and a “New Deal”.
So, what’s your deal and are you happy with it?
I had mumps, measles, chicken pox... I had two out of three of those in one year. Yes there are vaccines for those things, but somebody forgot to tell my body how they worked.
In one year alone I had double pneumonia, lung failure, bilateral Bells Palsy and an intestinal blockage. I had a sinus infection for a full year. I never heard the phrase “nothing is wrong with you” or “that’s normal.”
When I went to the Dr I heard words like, “ you got here just in time!” “Call an ambulance” or at least “I’m calling in a round of antibiotics “.
While my sister was out enjoying sports I was at the piano. People often assumed it was because I wasn’t athletic. They were wrong. I couldn’t go outside for very long.
One year I signed up for a golf class. Yep, it would have been fun if I could have seen the ball. My eyes watered so bad that I couldn’t stay outside. We really don’t want to talk about the year I tried to take archery. Oh brother!
But... something strange has been happening lately. I’ve has symptoms, gone to the Dr expecting the worst and he’s said, “you’re ok, that’s normal!” Are you kidding me? I have never heard those words well... ever.
Let me give you an example of how it used to be. Cough, cough... go to Dr. Dr prescribed antibiotics, but is limited because I’m ALLERGIC to most of them. Isn’t that any oxymoron? Allergies caused the cough, that caused the infection, but the allergies also prevented me from getting help.
When I was very young my mother would have to flip the mattress every day. She had to clean my room every day. I couldn’t hang my art work from school in my room, I couldn’t have carpet or curtains. That was normal.
So as I’ve grown older some things have improved and others not so much. I’ve come to expect a pattern. I watched a Seinfeld episode once when one of the characters was running through a flock of birds. The birds were supposed to fly off when he got close to them, but they didn’t and this character ended up stomping some of them. He started shouting, “We had a deal!”
Unfortunately the deal I got was raw. It was rough. You know how people say they get sick and tired of being sick and tired? Well after a while you just get used to it. I had the routine down to a science.
In the past year I’ve had the weirdest experiences. I had symptoms of a heart problem, was rushed to the hospital and... it was medication related. So that medicine was stopped. Ok.. this was new. Then I had symptoms of a stroke... was taken to the hospital by ambulance and guess what? It was medication related. I started wheezing one day and according to past experience I made an appointment with the Dr. He said, “your lungs are clear. It’s just drainage.” To tell you the truth I really didn’t believe him. So, I went home and waited. Guess what? I got better. Well that was just weird. I thought I had this body figured out. The “deal” wasn’t pleasant, but I understood it. It was a process. A happened then B happened, then C happened it was a familiar pattern .
You might think I’m being silly but you must understand that this has been my life experience from childhood . So a couple of weeks ago I had swelling in my legs and my hands went numb. I was instructed by two experts to go to the Dr because it could be symptoms of heart failure.
Now that’s the body I understood! Lol!
Guess what? It was just swelling. I asked,” what am I supposed to do?” I was waiting for the words I’d heard over and over and... did I mention, over again? “ Go home and rest and I’ll see you back in a few days.”
So I asked, in all my wisdom, “ Do I need to go home and rest?” Here was the answer, “ No, that’s the worst thing you could do!” WHAT? We had a deal! Lol.
Why am I laughing? Well, I didn’t know what to do next. My ankles were swollen, my hands were going numb and the worst thing I could do was rest? If I were a cartoon my head would have exploded!
Guess what? I’m getting used to this. I’m allowing myself to breathe and I’m not afraid. My mind actually believes I’m not sick. I can’t tell you how wonderful that feels. I’m learning what normal feels like. I’d celebrate by taking up golf, but it really isn’t my thing. Maybe I’ll take an archery class? What would you do?
The deal has been broken, I wake up laughing instead of screaming from PTSD, I go to the gym, I have a trainer, I do water aerobics, I take walks with my dog, I sit outside! It’s amazing!
To whom do I give the credit? Well, first of all I have to give God the credit. Why? I mean common sense would say, “if He’s the one who healed you, shouldn’t He have done it a long time ago?” I don’t know. All I do know is that all good things come from God and you better believe that finding out what normal looks like is pretty darn good.
What else changed? I was drawn to a Dr who knew how to get and keep my lungs clear. Then, I didn’t need that medication anymore. I was drawn to a physician that expected me to get well. Others were just treating symptoms. I was drawn to a therapist that taught me how to change my thought patterns, not just cope with them . I was introduced to a loving, accepting, safe group of people willing to do life with me no matter what.
Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t be here now if I hadn’t had Drs who knew how to treat illnesses, or therapists that taught me coping mechanisms. But, it’s now time to move on from those things into a new world, a new perspective and a “New Deal”.
So, what’s your deal and are you happy with it?
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